


Boy's Don't Cry

by Magentas_Nightmare



Category: The Walking Dead & Related Fandoms
Genre: Adult Content, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-16
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-08-24 14:04:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 23,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16641576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magentas_Nightmare/pseuds/Magentas_Nightmare
Summary: Merle is a devoted family man with a special needs son that he adores, but his best friend Andrea soon discovers that all is not well for him at home...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A lot is covered in this prologue, just to warn you:) lol

**_ Boys Don't Cry - Chapter 1_**

**_Prologue _ **

 

 **_~ Life, it’s_ ** **_what happens while you’re busy making other plans._ **

****

 <https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r9_HrktOwrk> Yaz - Only You 

* * *

 

Perhaps that was true, but he didn’t know for sure. Merle Dixon couldn’t really remember spending much time making plans and still, life happened.

By the time he was 17, Merle was already stumbling into manhood and responsibilities beyond his maturity level.

It all started at Greene County High School. June was the only reason he took the class in the first place. When he thought back to 1982, all he thought of was that intense crush, trying to win June’s heart, and the song he played over and over as he obsessed over her. He played the song “Only You” by Yaz until the cassette tape snapped and Daryl rolled his eyes every time, he heard it in the house.

“God damn it! Why you playin’ this shit again, Merle?”

“Leave me alone!” he’d growl.

Junior year was all about June.

 

 _**Looking from a window above, it's like a story of love** _  
_**Can you hear me?** _  
_**Came back only yesterday** _  
_**I'm moving further away** _  
_**Want you near me** _

_**All I needed was the love you gave** _  
_**All I needed for another day** _  
_**And all I ever knew** _  
_**Only you** _

****

She was medium height, with dark hair and brown eyes. June was your average teenage girl, but something about her called to him right from the start.

He first saw her signing up for junior year classes before school started that year and tried his best to chat her up with little success.

He managed to learn that she was new in Greensboro and didn’t have a boyfriend yet, so he decided to take three classes for the sole reason that she took them and hope for the best. Maybe after a few weeks or months, he could wear her down.

He told jokes in class to get her to laugh and she’d crack a smile occasionally. The fact that he had to try so hard for her attention made it even more thrilling when she’d speak to him or look his way.

He was still a little scrawny at 17 with a head full of blond curls and a sensitive heart despite his upbringing. His father was an abusive drunk, everyone in town knew it, and Merle swore he’d turn out nothing like him. He wanted a wife and kids that he could dote on. Merle wanted to create the family he hadn’t been blessed with and every time he looked at June, he saw his future wife.

By the time the Christmas dance rolled around, he was desperate. He had sat back like a coward and watched another boy ask her to the fall dance and promised himself he’d at least try for the winter formal.

He was working at a local gas bar that year and saved enough to buy her a little silver locket and some flowers. Daryl groaned that he was going overboard.

“Don’t give her that, Merle! She’s gonna think you’re nuts!”

“I want her to say yes, and girls like this kind of stuff,” he argued.

“She doesn’t even know you’re alive Merle.”

“Then she can say no…but I still need to try. I almost hope she tells me to go fuck myself. It’s driving me fucking crazy thinking about her, it’s gotta happen or it’s gotta end.”

He waited until after school on Wednesday, two days away from the dance and called her away from her friends with his hands sweating profusely.

“June? Could I talk to you for a second?”

“Sure,” she answered casually and sauntered over to his locker.

“So…you going to the dance?” he blurted.

“I think so, probably with my friends.”

“Oh…”

His hand was fidgeting with the little velvet box in his coat pocket as he wondered if he could return it to the store. The flowers he bought had already wilted in his locker, so that was a no go. It wasn’t going to work.

“Why?” she asked.

“Well, if you didn’t have a date and if your friends don’t mind…then maybe we could hang out there…or I could pick you up and we could go together…or whatever you want…or not.”

His head dropped to his chest when he caught sight of Daryl wincing and shaking his head over her shoulder.

“Sure,” she said simply.

“Huh?”

“Do you know where I live?”

“Yeah.”

It was a small city and he knew where most people lived, especially her. He was known to drive past her house just to see if her bedroom lights were on, or if she was out in her yard.

He pulled the little box out of his pocket and realized that it really was a little too much when she looked at him strangely.

“What’s that?”

“Uh…I got it for you, but it’s probably dumb.”

“Can I see it?” she asked.

“Yeah, of course,” he said, handing it to her clumsily.

“It’s really pretty, Merle, thank you. Pick me up at 7?” she smiled.

“Sure! Wow, great! Thanks!”

He was excited, and he couldn’t hide it to save his life. June giggled and walked away with her to join her friends and he dropped his forehead to his locker with an exhausted thud.

“I take it she said yes?” Daryl laughed.

“Yeah…fuckin’ hell! I was just about to pass out there.”

“You got it bad,” his brother teased.

/

The night of the dance was a blur and he raced around the basement of his house where his bedroom was located getting ready. He washed his truck, tossed out all the trash, bought a new air freshener, and a used suit jacket from the Salvation Army with an advance from his job. He’d have enough to take her for a soda after the dance and if he was lucky, he’d still have $10 to his name.

He picked her up at her house and she sat silently next to him in his old work truck.

“You look real pretty,” he smiled, trying to get a smile back.

“Thanks, you look good too. New coat?”

“Yeah, it’s used but it fits OK,” he chuckled and then immediately regretted telling her he was basically a charity case.

The dance was a typical school dance and he couldn’t dance to save his life. Ever since puberty, it felt like his whole body was too big for him. He was constantly tripping on curbs or dropping something, it was embarrassing. Still, he didn’t want her to think he was a drag, so he tried his best and by the end of the evening, she agreed to go for a drive with him.

Out by the lake, Merle found that she was suddenly sitting closer to him. The moon was full, and the air was cold as soft snow hit the windshield and immediately melted.

“I’ll crank up the heat, sorry.”

“Merle?”

“Yeah?”

“I had a really nice time tonight.”

It felt like a strange moment to say that she had a nice time, he expected her to say it when he dropped her off.

The radio was fuzzy, but his ‘June’ song was playing, and he was feeling brave.

 

 _**Sometimes when I think of her name** _  
_**When it's only a game** _  
_**And I need you** _  
_**Listen to the words that you say** _  
_**It's getting harder to stay** _  
_**When I see you** _

_**All I needed was the love you gave** _  
_**All I needed for another day** _  
_**And all I ever knew** _  
_**Only you** _

__

“I’m tryin’ my best, but I don’t go out with a lot of girls…you’re actually the first.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…sad, huh?”

“No, it’s sweet.”

“Can I be honest with you, June?”

“Sure.”

“I only took art, French, and chemistry class so that I could see you every day.”

“You did?” she grinned.

“I’m crazy about you, June…you’re the prettiest girl I ever saw…you’re all I ever think about anymore.”

She smiled at him then so widely and in a heartbeat, he was pulled down overtop of her. All his dreams came true that night, but much too quickly.

Merle didn’t have the first clue what he was doing but saying that they should slow down to his dream girl was out of the question.

June went mad for him and it was like being high, nothing felt real to him in his truck that night.

It was stupid, but Merle still remembered it as one of the most passionate events of his whole life.

 

As it turned out, life literally happened that night, regardless of any plans he was or wasn’t making.

/

“You’re what?” he exclaimed.

It was 6 weeks later, and reality hit them both hard.

“Pregnant,” she sobbed.

“Shit! I’m sorry, June…I didn’t think you could even get pregnant the first time.”

They had started using condoms after that first steamy night in the truck, so he figured it had to be that first night when it happened.

“It wasn’t the first time, Merle.”

“…oh.”

“Was it for you?”  
“Yeah.”

“Oh.”

“I know this isn’t romantic or anything, but I’ll marry you if you want…I think you need permission from your mom and dad and-”

“I’m 17-years-old, Merle.”

“Me too, but we could make it work,” he smiled.

As ridiculous as it was, he was excited at the idea of being a father.

“I need to think about all the options first.”

“Options?” he frowned.

He had been so innocent then.

“Merle…it might be best if I don’t have it.”

“You mean?”

“Yes. I want to be a teacher and go to college…I can’t do that if I have a baby. I need to consider an abortion.”

“But-”

What he did next was beyond his own control, but she held it over his head for years anyway.

“Merle?”

Merle thought about all his dreams of marrying her at that moment and it just hit his young heart too hard. He couldn’t help it; he started to cry.

“How dare you?” she said, and he didn’t know why she was upset with him.

“What?” he asked.

“How dare you make me feel guilty? You aren’t the one who has to deal with this!”

“I’m sorry, June. I’m not trying to make you feel bad. I don’t want to tell you what to do or anything…it’s just that I want this.”

“You want this?” she almost shrieked. “This could ruin my whole life! My parents are going to kill me!”

“I’m sorry.”

Merle sat with his head in his hands as a nightmare swirled around him. As it turned out, he didn’t really know her, he loved her, but he didn’t really know her.

The reality of teen infatuation crumbled around him and he couldn’t stop crying to save his life.

“Merle…I just can’t.”

“OK….” he sniffed. “I support you in whatever you need, honey…as long as we’re together, we can make it through anything, right?”

“Actually…I’m pretty sure my dad won’t let me see you any more if I need an abortion.”

“June…please. I love you, honey…I need you. Let me talk to him.”

“Merle, he’ll kill you.”

He had it all and then lost it.

“You’re making me feel like shit, Merle. Stop crying!” she hissed and then he lost his cool.

“I told you I support you, June! It ain’t my body so it ain’t up to me, I get that! But am I at least allowed to be sad? I don’t want to make you feel bad and I know this is a hard decision for you, but can’t I even be sad that everything I wanted is falling apart right in front of me?”

/

In the end, June kept the baby, but never let him forget that his tears had influenced her decision. Her father agreed to them getting married and June didn’t go to college.

The day that Tanner was born was the best day of Merle’s life and all of the pictures showed him grinning like a fool in the hospital. Things were more complicated by the fact that Tanner had Down Syndrome, but Merle couldn’t care less.

“He’s perfect, isn’t he?” he grinned when he first held the boy.

“He’s going to have health problems, Merle,” June stated with a sigh.

“I’ll make sure he has what he needs, honey. Don’t you worry,” he assured her.

“I can’t believe they never knew he was going to be sick,” June muttered.

“That’s true; if we knew about it, we could have read up on this disorder before he got here. I don’t know the first thing about it to be honest, but I’ll learn,” he chuckled.

“Merle, he’s never going to be like a normal child.”

“So?”

“So, he’s going to need care maybe all of his life.”

“So?”

“Merle…”

“He’s so cute, honey…look at him. He may have it harder in life than other kids but that’s why he has us, right? We’ll help him out and if he needs to stay home with us forever, then he stays home.”

Merle was annoyed with her raining on his parade, so he took the baby for a walk while she rested. Daryl met him in the visiting area and expressed concern over the condition but also said that the boy was a Dixon and therefore he’d be fine as wine in the sunshine.

“I tried to tell her it don’t matter, but she’s taking it all to heart,” Merle sighed.

“The kid’s alive and kickin’, what more could she want?” Daryl chuckled.

“It feels like she almost…”

“What?”

“Like she wishes we didn’t have him.”

“You must be reading that wrong,” Daryl assured him.

“I don’t know, man…she hasn’t even held him yet.”  

/

Years later, the cracks that had always been present in their relationship began to give way and some hard truths came to light…

 


	2. Chapter 2

_**Boy’s Don't Cry – Chapter 2** _

 

_**<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Duz0qqDi7cQ> The Very Thought of You - Ella Fitzgerald** _

“Time to get up, kiddo.”

Merle stood at his son’s door and waited for a response that didn’t come. Mondays were always a drag and Tanner was, in many ways, a typical seven-year-old boy who liked to sleep in whenever he could.

“He needs to get ready,” June pressed.

“He’s coming, chill out,” Merle sighed.

June was always stressed. Merle couldn’t remember her ever being an especially calm person. They were a young couple trying their best to raise a special needs child, but even so, June was a bundle of nerves especially in the last few years.

Merle entered his son’s room to get Tanner going for the day; it was easier than listening to June flip out.

“Is today his speech and language day?” June asked from the hallway. “I’m in a damn rush as always to get to a job I despise.”

“I’ll take him, honey. I can get off early.”

“OK.”

She rushed around the house for another ten minutes, grabbed a coffee and then yelled “bye!” from the back door like she was speaking to her roommates.

“Bye, mom,” Tanner said quietly to himself as he picked out some socks.

“Just you and me now, kid. You want waffles this morning?”

“Chocolate milk,” he added.

“Yup, and chocolate milk.”

Merle turned on the radio in the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher as he waited for the toaster to pop. It was a normal hectic morning.

Tanner had a special teacher in his school who stayed by his side all day, and Merle was grateful that they took such good care of him. Merle worried about him getting bullied but his special teacher, Sasha, never left his side. Tanner also had a best friend named Willow who was one year older and had Down Syndrome as well. Merle figured it was important for the boy to have peers. He wanted his son to experience everything in life including friendship.

Merle finished up with breakfast, and they headed off to get Tanner to school.

“Dad.”

“What’s up, kiddo?”

“Willow got a fish.”

“Did she now? That’s nice,” Merle smiled.

“A goldfish,” Tanner added.

Sometimes people had difficulty understanding Tanner’s speech, but the speech therapy was helping greatly. Tanner had issues with his teeth and tongue, among other things, due to his disorder, but Merle could understand every word since he spoke to him more than anyone else.

“Are you trying to hint at something?” Merle teased.

“Could I get a pet, dad?”

“Of course, you can,” he said as he pulled up outside the school.

Tanner’s helper came to pick him up at the car, and Merle handed over his backpack and lunch to her.

“Have a good day, Son. I want you to think real hard about what kind of pet you want, and then you got it.”

“Thanks, Dad!”

“No elephants though!” Merle joked.

Tanner laughed hysterically then, and Merle couldn’t help laughing too. His kid had the world’s best laugh; it was absolute joy in one sound.

“Elephants are too big!”’

“True story. You got me there,” he winked. “See you later, OK? Love you.”

“Love you, Dad.”

Merle was working days for the last year and loved being able to drop Tanner off. Both he and June worked a lot to make ends meet, but Merle didn’t mind, as long as Tanner had what he needed.

/

Greensboro had a small emergency crew of firefighter and EMS workers who all operated out of the same building, and it worked well for everyone involved. The firefighter and EMT’s could stay in constant contact and be dispatched from the same building.

Merle was always running on empty with Tanner’s many needs, and bills were always coming due for something or another, but he refused to let it get him down. He was still full of energy, having only just turned 25, and he was determined to see his son succeed as best he could.

June had worked at the diner since dropping out of high school, and she hated it, but there were only so many jobs in town, and her tips were good. Merle tried to get her to go back to school, but she claimed there was no point now that they had a child to care for.

Merle pulled up at the firehouse and nodded to Andrea as she stepped out of the garage and into his line of view.

His brother Daryl was a firefighter as well, but they were on opposite shifts, and Merle was often scheduled with Andrea who was one of their most experienced EMTs.

“How’s it going?” he called to her as she walked over to say hello.

“Pretty good. You?”

“Just tired, same old shit,” he laughed. “No calls yet?”

“Just one, a transfer from the nursing home to hospital. Nothing urgent.”

“Just how I like it, I gotta be done by 2:30 today.”  
“Speech and language?” Andrea noted casually.

“How did you know that?” he chuckled.

“When you brought Tanner to the firehouse last week, he showed me a calendar he was making for class. He told me his whole schedule,” she laughed.

Merle couldn’t help but notice that Andrea remembered little things involving Tanner all the time. Merle had been working with her since she moved to Greensboro when Tanner was about 3, and she had taken a shine to the boy right away.

The morning was uneventful, so Merle checked hoses and restocked the emergency gear. Daryl was on nights and seemed to think that the day shift guys didn’t pull their weight. Merle was making notes of all the stuff they got done to prove a point. There was a little friendly rivalry in the firehouse, but it kept them all honest.

“Any new ideas for the next fundraiser,” Andrea asked as he bent over to clean out a cupboard where they kept extra protective gear.

“The children’s hospital thing?” he clarified.

They took part in a few fundraisers every year, and he was currently seeking funds himself for the Down Syndrome Association of Atlanta.

“That’s the one,” she smiled. “So?”

“We’re doing the fireworks and BBQ thing this weekend, and Tanner sold twenty-five boxes of chocolate at school. Maybe a raffle?”

“That could work. But what do we raffle off?” she pondered.

“I could pester some local businesses for donations, and we could do a basket of random stuff,” he suggested.

“You’re so good at this stuff. Did I tell you, Daryl is organizing a sexy fireman calendar?” she laughed.

“What the hell?” Merle scoffed. “Who’d buy that?”’

“I’d buy ten copies just for blackmail against you guys,” she giggled. “Plus, I’ll have all the negatives; I could make a killing.”

“You’re taking the pictures?” he asked.

“Yeppers!” she smiled.

Andrea took Santa pictures for the kids at Christmas time, pictures of local sports and news events, and even the occasional wedding. Merle tried to imagine standing half-naked in front of her and trying to look sexy; it was too funny for words and June would lose her mind with jealousy.

“The calendar won’t involve you EMTs?” he frowned.

“No idea, but I’ll need a lot of coaxing to pose in a bikini, even if it is for charity,” she laughed.

Merle pictured it for just a moment, but his intrusive thoughts were interrupted by an alarm as Andrea was called to rescue a man who was over an hour out of town.

Shane, their chief of emergency services, filled her in on the details as she grabbed the keys for her ambulance.

“We got a farm injury, a fall, of about 8 feet, possible fracture,” Shane informed her.

“No other details?” she asked.

“Just the location. It’s about an hour out on Rural Route 2, the red barn just past the big slough.”

“Got it,” she nodded and then it hit Merle that her partner wasn’t there.

“Where’s Morgan?” he asked.

“He’s gassing up the other ambulance. I got this.”

“Do you want me to come along?” Merle asked.

“Yeah, take Merle with you,” Shane agreed.

“Alright, let’s go,” she smiled.

They often went on calls together, there were more EMT calls than fire calls, and Merle was trained in advanced first aid anyway. He had enough skills and training to be useful to her, and that’s what mattered.

They hit the highway and Andrea took a sip of her coffee as she simultaneously hit the sirens. The traffic was heavy, and she wanted her path cleared fast.

“Is it sad that I still love sirens?” Merle asked.

“Nah, it never gets old, does it?” she grinned.

Under the sirens, she had her regular music playing, and it never failed to make Merle chuckle. Andrea played old American standards in the ambulance and always sang along while sirens blared, and all hell was breaking loose. She often sang at their charity events, and he loved to watch her when June wasn’t watching him.

****

_**The very thought of you**_  
_**And I forget to do**_  
_**Those little ordinary things**_  
_**That everyone ought to do**_

 _**I'm living in a kind of daydream** _  
_**I'm happy as a king** _  
_**And foolish though it may seem** _  
_**To me that's everything** _

 

Andrea was a good person to work with, she worked hard, never letting the stress get to her. He loved her calming presence, especially when his home life could be so stressful. Merle loved his wife, but she wasn’t known to deal with stress well. All in all, he was happy to be strong for her when she couldn’t be. He never understood it but dealing with Tanner never seemed to come naturally to June. He believed that she loved him though and it felt wrong to judge her too harshly.

They arrived at the scene only to discover that their fall victim was unconscious and down at the bottom of a cold cellar in a hundred-year-old barn.

“Damn it!” Merle groaned and shined a flashlight down to the man.

Whoever called it in would have had to drive back to their farm and hadn’t made it back yet.

“Shine the light for me; I’ll go down,” Merle suggested.

“We both have to, I can tell from here he has a head injury, and it looks like his leg needs to be stabilized,” Andrea noted.

“Alright, I’ll lower you down. Radio back for more help. We’ll need Morgan to come help us out of here when we get this guy patched up.”

Andrea used to radio to call back to the station and told Shane that she needed Morgan to come assist and then got busy with Merle on the rescue.

Merle lowered himself down into the cellar first and then reached up to help Andrea down. She was medium height, slim and blonde and that bothered the hell out of his wife no matter how many times he assured her it was not an issue.

Merle told her over and over that there’s no way Andrea was interested in him and June screamed that it was the wrong answer. He was supposed to tell her he wasn’t looking to sleep with Andrea, but he thought that it went without saying. He was a faithful man if not much else.

Andrea handed her medical gear down to Merle and then slid back into his arms. She winced when she couldn’t feel any ground beneath her feet, but Merle could tell she was still trying to be speedy to get to their victim.

“I got ya, it’s all good,” he assured her, and she plopped down into his arms with a laugh.

“Jesus! Why couldn’t anyone tell us the victim was down a huge hole?” she giggled and then set to work assessing the man.

The middle-aged man in the cellar was breathing but unconscious, and his ankle was broken. Andrea checked his pupils, which were reactive, and then stabilized his ankle as they sat back to wait for Morgan.

“So how do we get him out anyway?” She asked of Merle.

“We can use a ladder, there’s a technique we use to rescue out of basements, it’s easy,” he assured her.

“As long as we have a plan.”

There was a moment of silence then as she sat on the cool dirt floor next to their victim waiting and he didn’t know what to say for once.

“So,” she grinned, “you gonna be a sexy fireman for charity? You can be Mr. January if you’re real nice to me. I’ll even frame a copy of the picture for June.”

Merle couldn’t help laughing out loud. Andrea was a blast to work with and a true-blue friend, he didn’t know what he’d do without her.

 

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

**_ Boys Don't Cry – Chapter 3_**

 

By the time they got back to the station, it was pushing 1 pm, so Merle just grabbed a quick muffin and a coffee in the break room with Andrea and Shane before leaving to pick up Tanner.

“I gotta go early today, Shane, but I’ll make it up tomorrow. OK?”

“Yeah, it’s all good.”

“Thanks, man.”

“Something with Tanner?”

“Yeah. Speech and language.”

“How is the little guy doing anyway?”

“Pretty good. He wants a pet now,” Merle laughed.

“That’s such a right of passage, isn’t it?” Andrea smiled. “What is he getting?”

“Don’t know yet, he hasn’t decided.”

“He’s gonna have a blast at the BBQ this year,” Andrea noted on her way back to work. “Wait! Is he OK with fireworks?”

“I think so, why?” Merle asked.

“You said that he found the movie theatre to be a bit too loud. We can do something else if the noise is going to be too much for him.”

Merle couldn’t help smiling, Andrea thought of things he didn’t even think of regarding Tanner sometimes.

“I’ll double check with him, but I think he’s excited about it.”

“Cool. See ya later,” she nodded and then left the room.

“Is she sweet on you or something?” Shane asked.

“Pfft! Nope, and don’t go spreading that around,” Merle warned.

“Scared of June?” Shane laughed.

“Don’t spread it around cause it’s not true…and also cause I’m scared of June,” he chuckled.

Shane laughed along and then grabbed his gear to get going.

“Take her easy, buddy!” Merle called as he disappeared around a corner.

“If she’s that easy, maybe I’ll take her twice!” Shane hollered back.

/

Merle picked up Tanner from school and took him to speech therapy in the next town over; it was a trip they made every two weeks. Just a 20-minute drive and Merle liked the alone time with his son. He liked to play music for Tanner from when he was younger and they’d both sing along. Tanner loved his speech therapist and viewed it as mostly fun and games. They would play word games all the time and practice sounds. Tanner always had fun.

“You thought of a pet yet?” Merle asked on the way home that late afternoon.

“I think I want a lizard.”

“Man, I’ll have to get a book about those first,” Merle laughed. “I don’t know the first thing about keeping one, and we’ll probably have to go into the city.”

“But can I still?”

“Of course you can, Son. It’ll just take me a bit to bring it all together, OK? Two weeks tops. Deal?”

“Yes!” Tanner exclaimed. “You’re the best.”

“I’m tryin’, kiddo,” Merle grinned and smiled back at his son in the rear-view mirror.

They arrived home before June that evening, and Merle was surprised by it. She started before he did and was normally home by then.

She rushed through the door looking flustered at 5 pm, and Merle was already finished cooking supper.

“Hope you don’t mind spaghetti, babe.”

“Nope. I’m starving. Thanks.”

June sat down next to Tanner and asked him how speech therapy went.

“I won the word game.”

“Good stuff,” she smiled.

Merle always found that her smile looked half sad, but he never knew why. She looked almost defeated most of the time, and it didn’t make sense to him. Life was grand, in Merle’s own opinion. They had a healthy son, a pretty little rented house and just enough income that they never went without the necessities. They also had each other, and he considered himself a happily married man. Sometimes things would get heated between them, and June would say things she didn’t mean, but all in all, he was satisfied with life.

Merle put Tanner to bed that night with the same book he read to him every night; Tanner enjoyed routines.

 _The Rainbow Fish_ was the only book Tanner seemed to like but Merle barely had to look at the words anymore, so it worked for him.

“The fish gave his scales away,” Tanner noted. “Would you do that?”

“Sure. I don’t need to be shiny,” Merle reasoned.

“I would too.”

“I think this story is about sharing your gifts with other people to make them happy and make yourself happy,” Merle said as he closed the blinds and placed the book back on the dresser.

“I’m going to do that, Dad,” Tanner yawned and pulled his favorite bear closer to him.

“You already do that, son. You make everyone around you happy, especially me.”

“Love you, Dad.”

“Love you too, Son.”

/

“He’s all tucked in if you wanna give him a goodnight kiss,” Merle called to June, who was curled up on the couch watching a movie.

“Yep.”

He figured he’d bring up the ridiculous calendar to her before she heard about it around town. She was just a little possessive about what she called ‘skanks’ looking at him in town. Merle still figured she was imagining things, but he knew better than to argue.

“That fool brother of mine came up with a crazy idea for a charity thing.”

“Ugh. Do I even wanna know?” she asked, not even looking over at him.

“Probably not.”

“Well?” she pressed.

“They’re doing some fireman calendar.”

“What, like a nude thing?” she huffed.

“Not nude, but like…sexy stuff.”

“You are not doing something like that,” she stated.

“I know. I wasn’t gonna. I just thought you might find it funny.”

“I don’t know how Carol even deals with him sometimes,” she answered, rolling her eyes and sighing to herself.

“I guess.”

There was a moment of silence, and then he knew she was set off by what he thought was a very innocent conversation.

“Is she OK with other women ogling her man? It would be a cold day in hell before I’d let you do that,” she laughed, but her laughter didn’t indicate humor.

June was angry.

“I told ya already; I’m not going to anyway so don’t worry about it.”

“I just don’t get people these days.”

Merle wondered then if this is what married life was really supposed to be, but he forced the thought to the back corner of his mind.

“Babe?”

“Yeah?”

“Tanner’s waiting for a goodnight kiss.”

“I don’t need you to tell me to kiss my own kid, Merle,” she growled.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

June stormed off, and Merle decided to go out to the garden for a while. He needed a break.

Merle didn’t really give a shit about gardening, but he had noticed an older man down the road gardening and stopped to chat with him a few months back. According to the old guy, it was a great way to get away from the misses for a few minutes, and she couldn’t really give you shit for doing something as innocent as gardening. Merle’s garden looked incredible all summer long. Even in September, he was harvesting a few things still.

Merle had spent most summer evenings out there weeding, fertilizing and watering. He had rows of carrots, peas, and beans, every ‘easy to grow’ vegetable you could think of. He also put in a fair-sized patch of strawberries for Tanner, and the kid ate them like they were going out of fashion.

When the old man from down the road noticed the size of the garden and the obvious effort that had gone into it, he queried whether ‘everything was OK with you kids.’ Merle was starting to wonder that himself, but he wasn’t a quitter. If something were wrong between him and June, he’d figure it out and fix it if it killed him. He still remembered that first night together and the way she looked at him. No woman before or since ever looked at him that way, like he was the most amazing man around and that she was lucky just to be near him. That one look had sustained him for seven years, and he figured if he was patient enough, June would look at him that way again.

 


	4. Chapter 4

_**Boys Don't Cry – Chapter 4** _

 

Later that same week, on Thursday, the weather was still beautiful for mid-September, so Daryl and Carol came over to keep Merle company for a few hours.

“Nice!” Daryl praised as Tanner reached up to pop a bubble.

Daryl sat on the back steps dipping a plastic wand into a bottle of bubbles to entertain his nephew.

“When is June going to be home?” Carol asked.

“Supposed to be three today, but she’s late a lot these days,” Merle shrugged.

Tanner wandered over to Merle’s garden to partake in the last strawberries of the season, so Carol took the chance to speak to Merle about something more serious.

“So how much did June flip over the calendar idea?” Carol winced.

“She’s convinced that women couldn’t control themselves if they saw me in my boxers,” Merle shrugged. “I told her I wasn’t doing it and she still got pissy at me.”

“I thought it was such a sweet idea,” Carol frowned. “You guys work so hard, and this is only harmless fun.”

“Yeah…but you know how she is,” Merle sighed.

“She’s crazy if you ask me, you ain’t the cheating type,” Daryl noted.

“I never so much as look at other women and she’s got it in her head that I’m messing around all the time.”

“You ever tried talking to her about her jealousy and her temper?” Daryl asked.

“Yeah, I bet that would go well,” Merle laughed. “It’s OK though; she doesn’t mean any of that stuff she says. It’s just the Irish in her that’s all fiery.”

Daryl and Carol exchanged knowing looks but decided not to push it.

Carol still recalled a fight she had overheard a year back when she was taking care of Tanner and brought him back home. Through the kitchen window, she could hear June screaming and had to take Tanner back to the car until it was over. No child should hear their own mother calling their father a “worthless piece of shit husband” or telling him that she wished she’d never laid eyes on him.

When she finally brought Tanner inside, Merle was forcing a smile like nothing had happened while June was hiding down in the basement, likely still raging with anger.

“You OK?” she remembered asking him that day.

“Never better,” he smiled and then bent down to help Tanner take his coat off. “I missed you, kiddo! Did you have fun with Auntie Carol?”

Carol had never liked June much, but from that day onward, she hated her.

/

Merle arrived at work that Friday to find Andrea and Daryl were laughing themselves silly over plans for the calendar. Daryl was planning some indecent poses involving a fire hose, and Andrea was red in the face begging him to stop. It was Friday, and everyone was feeling a little less stressed. Andrea had Saturday off but had to work Sunday.

“I think it’ll be the best fireman calendar around,” he joked. “Just this massive hose and me in my tighty whities.”

“Stop it!” she giggled through her tears. “Stop! You’re too much!”

Daryl stood with his back to Andrea and looked playfully over his shoulder at her with his ass sticking out.

“Carol is gonna love this!” Andrea grinned.

“You two are goofy in the head,” Merle huffed with a slight grin. “Still going on about this silly idea?”

“It won’t be the same without you,” Andrea noted. “It’s nothing she needs to be so upset about.”

“I know but try telling her that. The way she talks it’s like I’m Tom Selleck or something.”

“You’re better looking than Tom Selleck,” she grinned.

“Stop,” Merle laughed.

“Still,” Andrea began, trying to lighten the mood, “the community fireworks and BBQ is going to be a blast, and she can keep both eyes on you there.”

Merle frowned and shrugged his shoulders and Andrea could sense that he was down and wanted to cheer him up.

“Did you want to bring Tanner over to my place and have a quiet evening with the misses?”

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Sure, me and Peanut always have a good time. He likes coming over, right?”

Merle found it odd that Andrea had a pet name for Tanner, but his own mother didn’t. Andrea had been calling Tanner Peanut since he was 3, back when she first moved to town and started working at the fire hall. The name always made the boy laugh, and Merle loved anything that made Tanner happy.

“He loves coming to your house. You really mean it?”

“Yes. Just bring him any time after 4:30 and if you end up getting lucky he can even stay over. I don’t work tomorrow, and I have no other plans.”

“No hot dates?” he teased.

“Not lately. Why? Do you know someone?” she laughed.

“Sorry, all the men I know already work here.”

“Darn it!” she groaned.

“You’re an angel, aren’t you?” he winked.

“Yep,” she nodded.

/

Merle got off work that day, picked up Tanner and raced home to get the house ready for romance. Tanner was excited to be spending the evening with Andrea and Merle prepared an after-school snack for the boy as he tried to find a shirt that June said he looked good in. He eventually found the blue button-down shirt and pulled it on as his son finished up his snack.

“Where are you going?”

“Nowhere, just gonna have a date night with mom.”

“Dancing?”

“I’m not much of a dancer, but who knows?” he laughed.

/

Merle pulled up outside Andrea’s place at 4:45 and counted his lucky stars for friends like her; maybe he could make everything better with the wife with an evening alone. Andrea was in her kitchen when he walked in, gathering some ingredients to bake with Tanner and she looked too cute for words. They were already at the ‘just come on in, don’t bother knocking’ stage of their friendship and Merle couldn’t recall ever being so close with a woman besides June before. She was in neon pink leggings with black legwarmers and a blue tank top; she looked like a teenager to Merle with her wavy blonde hair and bright colors.

“Andrea!” Tanner called as Merle helped him get his shoes off.

“I owe you,” Merle sighed as Andrea came over to greet the boy.

“Please! Me and Peanut always have a blast; he can come help me make chocolate chip cookies any day!”

Tanner didn’t know whether to laugh about being called Peanut or jump up and down about the cookies and Merle loved it.

“Do you want to go taste test the chocolate chips and see if they’re OK for me?” she winked to Tanner, and the boy disappeared into the kitchen.

“So, do we have something romantic planned?” she pressed.

“I’m gonna cook her supper, buy her some flowers and see if she likes me today.”

“I’m sure she does,” Andrea assured him. “What’s not to like?”

“Can I pay you?” he asked.

“Don’t be stupid. I’m not charging you to spend time with that little ray of sunshine. Now get out of here and don’t come back till you’re…finished,” she winked.

“Damn, Andrea! You and your dirty mind.”

“You have no idea, now scoot,” she insisted and smacked his ass playfully on the way out the door. “Have fun tonight!”

He left with a smile on his face and a hopeful feeling that it could be a great night, a night where maybe he’d see ‘that look’ again.

/

Back at home, Merle was in the middle of laying some flowers, still wrapped in paper, on the table and opening a bottle of wine when June called to say she was working late.

“How late?”

“Just an hour, why?”

“No reason. See you in an hour, babe. I love you.”

“Love you too. What’s up with you?”

“Nothing, just feeling romantic. I can’t wait to see you…we have the house to ourselves.”

“Where’s Tanner?”

“Just with Andrea, she volunteered to babysit.”

“Did she now?”

Merle wanted to scream into the phone but held back. He wanted just one nice evening.

“Yep.”

“Fine. See you later.”

“Great!”

He lit candles and took some extra time to gather some veggies from his garden. There were still carrots and beans and sweet garden peas. By the time she arrived home, he had baked chicken and potatoes with fresh veggies ready and waiting for her.

“You go and freshen up, and I’ll pour you a glass of wine,” he smiled and leaned down to kiss her.

“Smells good,” she praised, and he felt hopeful that they could reconnect a little.

She sat across the table from him after slipping into a sundress, and he smiled over to her happily. He liked being with her when she was in a good mood; it was just hard to catch her in one lately.

“So…” she sighed as she pushed her plate forward on the table.

“So? Did you like it?” he asked.

“Very nice, and the flowers are lovely.”

“I know you like lilies,” he smiled.

“That’s true.”

“Did you want to go sit in the backyard or just play a record?”

“We could sit in the backyard.”

“Great. I’ll bring out the wine, and maybe we could lay on a blanket like the old days.”

“Sounds nice.”

Laying on a blanket next to June reminded him of when they were first together, young parents with nothing but each other and a baby. Life had felt so simple then. Now there was unspoken bitterness that he knew she harbored but wouldn’t talk about unless she was raging.

“We should do this more often,” he suggested as he rolled over to kiss her in the dying light of day.

“Are you lookin’ to get lucky?” she grinned.

“Maybe…you interested?”

“Maybe.”

“What if I give you the works?”

“Go for it.”

Merle kissed down her body to her bare knees and then worked his way back up nice and slow. There was hope at that moment; he had fixed it.

“How long do we have?” she asked.

“Huh?”

“Before you have to go pick up Tanner.”

“We can take all night if we want, Andrea says she can keep him overnight.”

“That’s nice of her I guess.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, moving his soft open-mouthed kisses to her inner thighs, “she’s the best.”

He heard June sigh, and he knew he fucked up, but he figured she’d let it go since she was about to be pleased with is best efforts. He tried to let the mistake slide…but it came up as he knew it would.

“Why do you say things like that?”

“I didn’t mean it, baby. You’re the best. I just meant that her babysitting means I get to be alone with you. OK?” he insisted, taking her hands and kissing them slowly.

“Fine.”

Merle couldn’t go five minutes without setting June off…he was starting to believe then that maybe it was hopeless. Maybe it couldn’t be like before.

He was just sliding down her panties, more than eager to proceed, when the phone rang inside the house.

“Who’s calling at this hour?” she groaned.

“Let it ring, honey, I wanna take care of you now…” he whispered.

“What if it’s work?” she asked.

Merle was frustrated then and sick and tired of fighting to get closer to her.

“And what of it is?”

“They might need something?”

“I need something!” he exclaimed.

“What do you need?” she defended.

“My wife! I just wanna have a romantic evening with you and all you can think of is Andrea and work?”

“You can’t force things like romance, Merle!”

“I wasn’t trying to; I just wanted to be alone with you and maybe have sex. Remember sex?” he shot back.

“Fuck you!”

“Nobody fucks me,” he sighed.

“Who else is supposed to be fucking you?” she growled.

“I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it! You know I love you, and I don’t want anyone else, and still, you play these stupid jealousy games with me!”

“So now I’m stupid?”

“God damn it, June! All I ever wanted from the age of 17 was you and Tanner, and you still don’t believe me. It ain’t fair to act like I’m a cheater cause I ain’t!”

“Whatever.”

“No! You don’t get to accuse me of being like that cause I never look at other women and you know that!”

“You just said some other woman was ‘the best’ while you’re with me! How is that supposed to make me feel?”

“I already explained that! It’s cause she’s babysitting for us!”

“Go get Tanner!” she demanded. “I don’t want my son with that slut!”

“What happened to you, June? Why are you so hateful?”

“Go and get my son and bring him home to me now!” she repeated.

“Fine!”

“You’re an asshole you know that? You think you’re all perfect cause your life actually turned out the way you wanted. Must be nice to be you!”

“I’m going to get Tanner, at least he’s happy to be around me.”

“Don’t spend too long with that tramp.”

“Don’t call her that. Andrea isn’t like that.”

“Defending her too? How typical?”

“Calm down, June. I’ll go get Tanner.”

“Don’t tell me how to feel, Merle!”

It seemed the only time she was possessive of Tanner was when they were in the middle of a fight and she could use him as leverage. Merle knew it was wrong, he knew he wasn’t happy anymore but still felt unable to make a move.

Merle drove around for 15 minutes just thinking and dreading going home. When he pulled up outside Andrea’s little house, he knew that Tanner would probably be sleeping…but he still knocked on the door.

“Hey, Merle?” Andrea said softly as she opened the door to see who it was.

“It didn’t go as planned.”

“Come inside.”

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

_**Boys Don't Cry – Chapter 5** _

__

“He’s sleeping,” Andrea whispered. “Do you need to talk?”

“Please,” he answered and then followed her to the back covered porch.

“Do you want a drink?”

“Please.”

Andrea came back a moment later with a can of coke and a beer, so he could choose. He picked the beer. She was playing that same old calming romantic music from the 1940s, and it was like stepping back in time to when love was simple and easy.

“Speak,” she urged.

“I don’t know what’s going wrong…it feels like she hates me.”

“I don’t know how she could, but if that’s how you feel I won’t question it.”

“I just realized lately that I’ve built our whole relationship on our first date and this stupid crush I had back in high school.”

Andrea just listened and didn’t interrupt. It was nice to be able to ramble, and he knew that she didn’t mind listening, she was probably the best friend he ever had besides Daryl.

“I was almost obsessed with her back then, and then I finally asked her to a dance, and she said yes. I thought I was her first love; I thought she’d always want me the way she did that first night.”

“Maybe she still does…I’ve never been in love, so I can’t really give any advice.”

“Never?” he asked.

“Well, not that I can speak about.”

“Huh?”

“It’s complicated,” she shrugged. “Maybe you could see a marriage counselor.”

“I don’t see love in her eyes anymore, and sometimes she says such horrible things to me.”

“Like what?”

“It’s not a big deal; she just gets so mad  that she’s not thinking sometimes.”

“It’s not OK for her to abuse you, Merle.”

“Oh no! It’s not abuse,” he insisted. “She just runs her mouth a little.”

“If you say so,” she relented.

Merle listened to the words of the song playing in Andrea’s kitchen and wished love for him was like in the song.

****

**_I think of you every morning_ **   
**_Dream of you every night_ **   
**_Darling, I'm never lonely_ **   
**_Whenever you are in sight_ **

****

**_I love you for sentimental reasons_ **   
**_I hope you do believe me_ **   
**_I've given you my heart_ **

****

“I’m telling you, on that first date she was absolutely mad about me. The way she looked at me…I felt like a fuckin’ king or something. I don’t feel like I changed…why doesn’t she love me anymore?”

“Oh, Merle…I’m sure she does,” Andrea sympathized. “I’m so sorry you’re having such a hard time. If there’s anything at all I can do, please just tell me. I can take Tanner anytime you two need to be alone, or if you go to counseling.”

“I was feeling so alone till I got here. Thanks, Andrea.”

“You aren’t alone. I know how much your family means to you and I’ll be right here whenever you need me.”

Merle decided not to bring up the fact that he’d mentioned Andrea during foreplay, it would probably come across wrong. He did feel better though.

“She wants me to bring Tanner home,” he sighed.

“OK,” Andrea nodded, “is it because of me?”

“She’s just crazy, Andrea, it’s not you personally…it’s all women. She doesn’t seem to understand that other women don’t even see me that way.”

“I wish…never mind.”

“What?” he pressed.

“Nothing. It’s not my place to say anything about this. I’ll go grab Tanner’s things for you.”

“Wait, please tell me what you were thinking.”

Andrea sighed and looked into his eyes for a moment before speaking, and he’d remember what she said for the rest of his life.

“I just wish that she could see what I do.”

“What do you see?” he asked.

“I see my best friend; I see an excellent father…and a person I admire more than anyone else I know. You’re a good man, Merle, and you deserve to be treated well.”

“Wow…you really see all that?”

“Yes.”

Merle felt something he knew he shouldn’t and fought it with everything he had. He wasn’t a cheater, but his mind focused on how good it would probably feel to touch her. Andrea’s soft skin called to him, and he pushed the feeling down deep inside.

“Well…I’ll go get his stuff,” she nodded with a smile he’d never quite seen before.

The irony of June’s rage driving him to Andrea’s door where now he was starting to feel confused wasn’t lost on Merle for a second. All he had wanted to do was make love to his wife and fix everything, and now he was at Andrea’s house wondering which way was up. June’s anger had made it that way, not him.

He scooped up his son and lay him in the back of the car to take him home, even though he knew it was evil to have him wake up back home and probably feel confused in the morning. He didn’t know how to fight June when it came to Tanner; it felt wrong to question a child’s mother.

“Can he take these home with him? He made them with very little help from me,” she said, handing a container of cookies to Merle.

“Thank you, Andrea…I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“You never have to wonder, cause I’m always going to be here. OK?”  
“Thanks.”

He replayed everything she said all the way home. He imagined what life would be like to be married to Andrea; he couldn’t help it. Andrea was always so warm, and she said so many nice things about him that he was often left feeling bashful. Merle always felt like the best version of himself when he was with her. He imagined coming home to her after work, she'd smile and pull him close, kiss him and tell him she loved him...Merle shook his head to chase the beautiful daydream away. He wasn't supposed to be thinking of things like that.

When he got home, June was sleeping, and he wanted to wake her up to scream at her for hours, but he wouldn’t ever do such a thing. At least one of them was civilized. He had gone and disturbed Andrea and taken Tanner home for nothing. Merle was so angry that he couldn’t even get into bed with her.

He was left that night questioning everything he knew. It had come to the point that it was almost impossible to lie to himself anymore.

_Was Andrea right?_

_Did he really deserve more?_

He wanted a woman to look at him the way June once had…he always wanted it to be June, but now he just needed someone to love him. He felt less and less that it had to be June who looked at him that way and felt horrible for thinking such a thing. At only 25, he was feeling very old and very unloved, something had to give.

/

The next day was Saturday, and Merle took Tanner out before June even woke up after trying his best to explain to the boy why he was at home instead of Andrea’s house. A little show of defiance for the stunt she pulled the night before was out of character for Merle, but he was getting to the end of his rope.

He took Tanner for breakfast at their favorite restaurant and then to the park for some sunshine. Time alone with Tanner beat bickering with June any day of the week.

“Can I have a pet soon?” Tanner asked when they sat down at a bench under a tree to rest.

“You know what? Yeah! You wanna go into the city with me today?”

“Yes!”

Merle hit the highway without even stopping by home to tell June. Charlotte North Carolina was a much larger city where he’d have better luck finding the critter Tanner wanted. Greensboro didn’t have an exotic pet shop.

June was going to lose her mind, but he was in the mood to piss her off for once. For years he jumped through hoops to please her, and she was still angry all the time.

Merle drove with the music turned up and his boy singing softly along in the back as only he could. Tanner’s voice had always calmed him, and nobody ever looked happier to have him around than his son.

 

 ** _I would say I'm sorry_**  
 ** _If I thought that it would change your mind_**  
 ** _But I know that this time_**  
 ** _I have said too much_**  
 ** _Been too unkind_**  
  
**_I try to laugh about it_**  
 ** _Cover it all up with lies_**  
 ** _I try and laugh about it_**  
 ** _Hiding the tears in my eyes_**  
 ** _Because boys don't cry_**  
 ** _Boys don't cry_**

****

The road lay out ahead, and Merle tried hard not to think about Andrea but failed more than once along the way. He drove Tanner to the biggest pet shop in Charlotte and dropped over a hundred dollars to buy him a little, crested gecko and everything the creature needed.

“Dad! I love him!”

“He is pretty cute,” Merle agreed on the way back to town.

Tanner sat with a clear plastic box on his lap, adoring his new pet and smiling so big that Merle almost teared up. Maybe it was impulsive to buy an animal for his son he knew very little about, but he would pick up a book and figure it out. He wasn’t even 30 years old yet so why not be free-spirited for once?

“Got a name yet?” he asked.

“Willow!”

“She’ll be honored,” Merle laughed.

Tanner naming his pet after his best friend spoke volumes about how pure his heart was. Merle loved his son more than anyone from the moment he first held him.

/

Arriving back at home was a disaster and Merle had been expecting it.

“You’ve been gone for hours! And why would you buy that thing without even asking me?” she raged.

Merle took her by the hand to walk her to the bedroom and put his foot down for the first time in their relationship.

“Feel free to scream at me later, but you are not ruining this for Tanner.”

“I’m going out,” she huffed.

“Fine.”

“You don’t even care?”

“All I ever cared about since I was a kid was you and look where it’s gotten me,” he sighed.

“You wanna go, Merle? You know where the door is, but you are not taking my son away from me!”

“Your son?”

“I’m going out!”

“What do you mean? You’d stop me seeing Tanner if we broke up? Why the hell would you ever do that?”

“Don’t make me do that?” she seethed.

Merle let her go then, praying that she didn’t mean what she was saying because he had a feeling that he couldn’t take much more.

The community BBQ and fireworks were the next day, and he expected fireworks in the sky and down on the ground as well.

 


	6. Chapter 6

**_Boys Don't Cry – Chapter 6_**

****

Sunday was supposed to be a great day, but by the time the fireworks began that night, Merle was lost. He made up with June enough to get through the day, but they didn’t talk anything out as usual…she simply stopped yelling.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You ready, honey?” Merle called to her from the back door as he was loading up the car.

“This is going to be a long day,” she sighed.

“It’ll be fun.”

“If you say so…why did you have to buy him this ugly thing?”

“Willow is a nice gecko,” he grinned and tried to pull her into his arms.

“It creeps me out.”

“It makes him happy,” Merle pressed.

“I guess so.”

June was stiff now whenever he touched her, and he had enough of feeling like he was molesting his own wife every time he came near her.

“June, do you think maybe we should see a counselor?”

“That’s for crazy people, and I am not crazy.”

“It’s also for people who want to make their marriage better.”

“This is just a rough patch, we’ll be fine,” she answered with a roll of her eyes.

Merle watched her loading up the cooler to take along to the park, and she didn’t seem bothered by anything.

He shrugged at her dismissal and went to get Tanner ready to go. Spending a day in the park with June, when he knew that Andrea would be there, made him anxious but he was stuck and had no choice but to proceed. He prayed that she would be calm and not fly off the handle, but that was not to be.

/

“Hey there, June! Tanner!” Andrea smiled and offered them both a cold drink.

“Andrea,” June nodded.

“Beautiful day for a BBQ isn’t it?”

“Sure is.”

June walked off to find a place to sit with Tanner and Andrea rolled her eyes with a wide smile in Merle’s direction. Andrea always killed June with kindness, and it made Merle laugh. Andrea wasn’t letting June’s BS get to her.

The day was filled with community events that they had been organizing for weeks: face painting, bake sale, local bands playing music and BBQ, etc. Merle also called in favors for a raffle; there was even a little entertainment. Andrea was taking pictures and agreed to sing a few songs in the evening. Merle loved her voice but couldn’t say so at home. There were a lot of things he couldn’t say at home.

Merle noticed June laughing at something Shane was saying and wondered why she was allowed to speak to the opposite sex. She was full of double standards, but it hadn’t always been that way.

“Looks like she’s got different rules than you,” Daryl noted as he nodded in June’s direction.

“She’s jealous, and I’m not…maybe it’s OK to have different rules?”

“If you say so, Merle,” Carol answered with raised eyebrows.

/

Tanner had a great day in the park and spent some time with Willow and her parents feeding the ducks, eating cotton candy and laughing almost non-stop with his friend.

Night fell eventually, and Merle was looking forward to fireworks even though he was too old to be excited by such things, he mostly wanted to see the look on Tanner’s face.

Andrea walked onto the tiny stage after everyone was finished eating and a local amateur string quartet began to play. Andrea had a style of singing and a love of music that didn’t fit in small-town Georgia; she elevated the place a little. Merle recognized the song as an old Nat King Cole tune, and he stood breathless under a tree in the dark to listen.

 

 **_When I fall in love_ **  
**_It will be forever_ **  
**_Or I'll never fall in love_ **

**_In a restless world_ **  
**_Like this is_ **  
**_Love is ended before it's begun_ **

**_And too many moonlight kisses_ **  
**_Seem to cool in the warmth of the sun_ **

**_When I give my heart...i_** **_t will be completely_ **

**_Or I'll never give my heart_ **

**** **_And the moment I can feel that_ **  
**_You feel that way too_ **  
**_Is when I'll fall in love_ **  
**_With you_ **

****

Andrea made eye contact with him as she entered the last verse and smiled right at him from over 50 feet away, striking him dead with her blue eyes and sultry voice. Merle had never felt this way for her before the other night at her house; he was a faithful man who never looked for other possible relationships.

Still, that night at her house, he began to see that just maybe she did have feelings for him and that he had feelings in return. For a moment as he stood there, he imagined touching her face and kissing her and then he looked at Tanner.

 

_How could he even think of destroying his son’s family?_

_How would such a thing affect him?_

Andrea was applauded by all in attendance and persuaded to sing another song. Merle couldn’t do anything but watch silently, stunned by the beauty of it all.

 

_**At last…** _

_**My love has come along** _  
_**My lonely days are over, and life is like a song, oh yeah** _  
_**At last the skies above are blue** _  
_**My heart was wrapped up in clover the night I looked at you** _

__

_**I found a dream that I could speak to**_  
_**A dream that I can call my own**_  
_**I found a thrill to press my cheek to**_  
_**A thrill I've never known, oh yeah**_

Andrea shifted her weight from one foot to the other with a subtle sway of her hips as she sang, and Merle was mesmerized by it. He listened to the words and dreamed that she was singing just to him…he was in trouble now. Andrea wasn’t in her work uniform now; she was in a simple white sundress with her blonde hair hanging loose in waves…she looked incredible.

****

_**You smiled, you smiled** _

_**oh, and then the spell was cast** _  
_**And here we are in heaven** _  
_**For you are mine at last** _

__

“I have a headache, Merle. Let’s go,” June muttered as she came to stand next to him.

“The fireworks are starting right away,” he countered. “Tanner wants to see them.”

“Tanner will barely remember if he misses it,” she mumbled under her breath.

“What did you just say?”

Merle had always heard the little hints of disregard and annoyance about Tanner, but this was different.

“Nothing. Let’s just go.”

“How could you say something like that about him?”

“I have a headache, and I’m sick of being here.”

“You go on then, and I’ll stay with Tanner.”

“You really think I’m leaving you around the likes of her?” she chuckled, pointing over at Andrea, who was finished singing and chatting with a friend.

“The likes of Andrea? What did she ever do to you?”

“I just don’t trust her. Why are you defending her anyway? I’m your wife or did you forget?”

She was raising her voice, and Tanner looked up from the blanket about 10 feet away, where he was watching the stage.

“Just relax, we can discuss this at home,” he groaned.

“I will not relax! Stop telling me how to feel and when to be quiet!”

Merle nodded to Daryl to watch Tanner as he led June away to fight in privacy.

“Don’t touch me!” she barked.

“Then come on your own, if you want to run me down at least do it where nobody else has to hear it,” he defended.

They walked until they reached the parking lot and stood on the other side of a big white delivery van. Merle didn’t want anyone to see the fight; occasionally she would get especially mad and get a little physical. He wasn’t afraid of her harming him, but he couldn’t fight back, and it just looked bad in public. When they were finally out of earshot, she really let him have it, and he had a flashback as he often did to his childhood, so many of the words were the same.

“Who the hell do you think you are? How dare you defend that tramp like that! If you want her so bad, then go get her!”

Merle didn’t answer because nothing he said would be right.

“Not even going to deny it?”

“I already did, and it didn’t make a difference.”

“You’re so spineless, Merle. Any hint of a fight and you just cower like a little boy. Why did I ever marry someone so useless?”

“Good question,” he answered under his breath.

“Fuck you, Merle. You think just cause you’re quiet and never yell that I’m the big bad wolf. That’s bullshit! At least I care enough to yell.”

“You just called me useless. Is that you caring for me too?”

“How could I care about someone who won’t even fight for me?”

“It does no good to fight for you!” he exclaimed. “I’ve been fighting for you since I was 17 and I’m tired.”

“Then go on and give up. I don’t want you anymore anyway. Useless fucking idiot! Go have your little whore if she’s so great. You already flushed my life down the toilet, now go and do the same to her!”

“What did you just say?” he asked.

He’d heard the rest before on many occasions, but this was new. If June believed that marrying him and raising their child had ruined her life, he didn’t know where to go from there. Things were so much worse than he thought.

“You think I wanted to be tied down to you and a child who will never be independent for the rest of my life? You took that choice from me with your crying!”

“I told you I supported your choice!”

“Bullshit!”

“So, you don’t love us now? Me and Tanner aren’t good enough for you now?”

“I didn’t say that?”

“You said you were tied down to us.”

“Sometimes I just can’t stand the sight of your face,” she answered in the most bitter tone he’d ever heard,

She began to walk away, and he didn’t stop her. She would take a cab home and probably give him the silent treatment for the next few days, but he didn’t chase after her this time. Merle stood under the stars and wished for an answer, wished for something to make it all better.

He turned to see Andrea standing behind him with a stunned expression on her face and felt about 2 foot tall.

“Merle…”

“Did you hear all that?”

“Yes. I’m sorry. I would have left but then she would have seen me…I was just grabbing a sweater from my car.”

Merle didn’t know what to say; he was embarrassed to have people know that his own wife hated him.

“So, this is the way she treats you when nobody is around?”

“It’s OK, Andrea…she doesn’t mean it.”

Making excuses for her had become second nature, but Andrea wasn’t falling for it.

“It doesn’t matter if she means it or not; Merle …you don’t deserve to be spoken to that way.”

“It is what it is,” he shrugged. “Sorry you had to see that.”

“Is this the way you imagined love to be when you were little?”

Merle was taken aback by the question and had no idea how to answer. Andrea asked difficult questions of him sometimes, but he knew that she genuinely cared, and only asked because she really wanted to know.

“I only ever saw my parents together really, and they make June look like a picnic…I don’t know if I ever had high expectations of love. I don’t think I’ve ever really seen it up close before, not until Daryl found Carol.”

“You should have that too,” she said.

“I do want what they have…but how?”

He really wanted to know because he was tired of hurting, tired of hoping things would improve and knowing they never would.

“How can I have a love like that, Andrea?”

“I wish I could tell you…but I can’t.”

“Because you don’t know?”

“Because it’s not time.”

“When will it be time?”

“When you’re free to hear it.”

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

_**Boys Don’t Cry - Chapter 7**_

 

Silence hung in the air between them, blocking all the words they couldn’t say to each other that night.

Merle woke up the next day on his couch and replayed the rest of the evening with a heavy heart.

He had made it back to Tanner and watched fireworks with him on the blanket as Andrea sat on the other side of the park watching the same explosions in the sky.

Nothing could stop him thinking of her, and it felt like the train would fall off the tracks no matter what he did or didn’t do. He and June were falling apart, and he knew as he watched the joy in Tanner's eyes that even if June gave him that look again, it wouldn’t change things. He was out of love, and already his heart was moving on without her.

June didn’t speak to him in the morning and actually took Tanner to school for a change. She tended to do more parenting when she was angry at him, and he never understood why. When they were getting along, she was happy to let Merle do pretty much all of the childcare.

/

Andrea was cleaning the lens of a camera when he arrived, and he gave her an apologetic smile as he sat down next to her.

“Still doing this calendar thing?” he asked as he blew on his coffee to cool it down.

“Yeah, I’m starting with your goofy brother today.”

“Good luck with that.”

“The calendar can only be so good no matter how the pictures come out,” she sighed.

“Why do you say that?”

“It’ll be missing the best firefighter in the whole department…and the most handsome.”

He wasn’t used to a woman calling him handsome. June’s desire for him only lasted until the day she discovered she was pregnant. After that day, everything seemed to go downhill. Seven years of struggling to make it work had left Merle a very tired and confused 25-year-old man.

“I can’t…”

“I know. You OK?”

“Not really. I think that maybe things between June and me are kinda-”

An alarm went off at only 9:17 am, and everyone in the firehouse jumped to attention.

Shane appeared around a corner and shouted that everyone was needed immediately for a massive fire in the school auditorium.”

“Tanner’s school?” Merle exclaimed.

There were two schools in town, one public, and one Catholic.

“It’s Tanner’s school. Let’s go!”

Merle raced to get his gear on and heard his heart pounding in his ears. The auditorium was close to Tanner’s special needs classroom, and he prayed that everyone could get out safely.

Andrea and Morgan followed immediately behind them in the ambulance and time seemed to be racing by and standing still all at once.

Merle drove like a maniac, sirens blaring and his eyes hyper-focused on the road ahead. He needed to get to his boy and couldn’t get there fast enough.

Shane and Rick were in an engine, with Daryl and his crew following behind within minutes. Daryl was on nights but was already on his way according to the dispatcher.

Upon arriving at the school, he did see children standing in rows out front and immediately caught sight of Sasha standing and holding Tanner’s hand.

“Oh, thank fuck!” he gasped.

“It’s all good, man,” Rick smiled, patting him on the back. “There’s Carl too. They got all the kids out by the looks of it.”

Merle located the principal and was informed that only a janitor was unaccounted for.

“Last known location in the school?” Merle asked.

“The auditorium,” the principal winced.

“Right,” Merle nodded. “Someone call June to come pick up Tanner. I’m going in.”

Shane and Rick came along, and everyone took their positions for entry of an engulfed building.

Merle ran around the back of the school and took an ax to an already busted window. The fire was heating glass to the point of breaking, and he knew it was likely hopeless for the missing janitor.

Still, he entered the building with the hose that Daryl had connected, as volunteer firefighters began firing water at the building from the outside. They focused on the broken windows, and black smoke was already billowing from the roof.

Merle heard a voice as soon as he was fully inside and called out to the man to pinpoint his location.

Toward the stage, he found the janitor trying desperately to open a trapdoor under the stage to escape.

“Here!” Shane called and handed him a sledgehammer to bust the door open.

The tiny door under the stage led to a storage area where extra chairs for events were kept, but now it wouldn’t open, trapping the man inside. The stage was dropping from the weight of fallen debris and crumbling from fire weakening the structure. Smoke made it almost impossible to see, and Merle worked fast to get the door open.

“Move back!” he called to the victim, and he obeyed, moving back and to the right so Merle could swing the hammer and crack the wood. It took eight good cracks at the same spot to destroy the door enough to free the man, but Merle's arm was still reaching inside the small doorway when the whole thing came crumbling down on him.

“Merle!”

He heard the scream, the crack of old wood and a whoosh of flames coming at him and then, for what felt like forever, he heard and felt nothing at all.

He tried to move but quickly figured out that his hand was trapped under burning wood and that he couldn’t feel a thing below his forearm.

“Help!” he screamed from behind his mask. “Help me!”

/

Andrea paced the grass and wanted so badly to go inside but couldn’t. She was no use in a fire without the right equipment. She would just be a liability.

It seemed like forever, and Morgan was starting to panic about their close friends when they saw the janitor being assisted out from behind the building.

“Go get Merle!” Rick shouted. “They’re pulling him out! He’s hurt!”

The thumping of her feet and heart as she ran to help would stay with her for years after that day.

What she found when she got to him was a disaster that she knew would bring him down to his core. Andrea knew that this would break him if she didn’t insist on being the one to get him through. She could tell within only minutes that he would be losing his hand, perhaps part of his forearm too and that June was not the woman to get him through it.

He was drifting in and out of consciousness, and his hand was badly mangled. If it weren’t for the fact that his skin was burned almost all the way to his elbow, she figured the hand could perhaps be saved, but he was risking massive infection already.

She got to work stabilizing his arm, and Morgan started an IV as soon as they got into the ambulance.

She leaned down to his cheek and whispered to him words of love and encouragement. Merle had to make it, and he had to know that she was going to be there for every step.

“You’re gonna be OK, Merle…hang on.”

“Tanner,” he muttered with his eyes closed.

“They’re taking him to June. He’s OK, I promise.”

“My arm…Andrea…”

There wasn’t much else she could do along the way to the hospital, so she just held his head in her embrace and spoke to him.

“It’s not good, I won’t lie…but you’re going to make it past this. I promise it’s going to be OK.”

“Will I lose it?”

“You might, but this isn’t the end…promise me you’ll remember that. I need you to hang on, OK?”

“Promise you won’t go,” he pleaded without any reservation. He needed to see her beautiful face until he was wheeled into surgery. “Don’t leave me, Andrea.”

“You know I won’t, I’ll never leave you.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**_ Boys Don't Cry – Chapter 8 _ **

 

“Merle…Merle…”

He was shivering violently, and then a warm blanket was laid over his body, a heavy blanket, and it instantly brought him comfort.

When he opened his eyes, it wasn’t June that he saw, and he wasn’t surprised.

“It’s just the anesthetic wearing off that’s making you shake. You’re OK?” she assured him.

“Andrea…is Tanner OK?”

“He’s fine, Merle. Just fine.”

Andrea’s hand was on his chest, and he knew he was in the hospital just by the smell. He remembered the accident; there was no amnesia. Unfortunately, he was not confused, there wasn’t even a moment’s reprieve from the truth. Merle wanted to know all the details even though he knew it was likely bad news. His body didn’t feel like his own yet, and he hadn’t tried to move any part of his body yet…he was afraid to try moving his arms. His body was covered in the heavy warm blanket, and he could feel bandaging around his upper arm.

“I can call the doctor to come and explain everything,” she insisted like she didn’t want to be the one to tell him.

“I wanna hear it from you,” he said, but he already had a good idea what the facts were.

“It was just too bad, Merle, I’m so sorry. They tried everything they could to save your hand.”

He felt a wave of horror when he came to the realization that the time for wishful thinking was over. His right hand was no longer his along with most of his forearm, and without it, he’d be so much less capable of being who he was. Just below his right elbow, there was now nothing, and it made him feel ill.

“Damn,” he muttered.

“It’s going to be an adjustment, but you’re alive, and you saved a man’s life.” she smiled. “Thank God, you’re alive.”

She was tearing up, and he couldn’t pull a pity party over his hand then, not when she looked so happy to see him alive. In fact, her expression was just about as good as the one he was longing for, it just didn’t have the desire in that moment, and why would it? The situation was a horrible one. For a moment his mind drifted back to self-pity, and he blurted something out that he later regretted because it made him feel silly.

“Nobody’s gonna pester me about a calendar now.”

He thought maybe she’d chuckle, but that wasn’t her style, and he loved that about her. Andrea wouldn’t let him run himself down even as a joke.

“You’re just as handsome as you ever were…I’ll still pester you,” she smiled, and he realized that he felt complete, and also that he hadn’t even asked about June. That was a very bad sign.

“You’re sweet, honey.”

“I’m not being sweet, I’m being honest,” she corrected. “I had to wait so long to come see you. June didn’t want me here, so I had to leave last night after they took you into surgery.”

“Did she get nasty with you?” he asked.

“A little but she won’t stop me seeing my friend…after the other night I’m not interested in playing nice with her anymore.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s her, not you.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s early morning…6 am. They only let me in because they know me here.”

“Thanks for being here. I’ll tell the staff I want to see you whenever you come, it ain’t up to June.”

/

Andrea stayed for a while longer, and he felt more like himself just being with her. She only left when she had to get going to work, but promised she’d come back as soon as she could.

He didn’t want to wonder if she’d still want him with his amputation, but he did. He didn’t want to wonder how he’d even please a woman without his dominant hand, but he did.

The doctor came by to speak to him about his condition and beyond the wound healing, preventing infection, nerve pain and adjusting to life without half of his forearm and his hand…there wasn’t much to say. He was told that he’d be held for the rest of the week and his wife would be up to see him soon.

“Thank you, doctor.”

“Sorry, we couldn’t do more for you, Merle.”

“Me too, but I know you did the best you could.”

/

Tanner was brought to the hospital by June at 10 am, and Merle didn’t know how to speak to his son about the accident. In the end, honesty was all he could do. June did look upset, but she said very little at the time.

“Dad…”

His boy sat down on a chair next to the bed and looked afraid. Tanner had spent a fair amount of time in the hospital for testing and treatments, but he’d never seen his dad in there.

“It’s gonna be OK, kiddo.”

“Your hand is gone,” the boy said softly.

“Yes…it’s not a nice thing, but I’m still here to be your daddy, and I love you OK? I don’t want you to be sad or worry.”

“Does it hurt?”

“A little, but they give me medicine for that. It’ll take some getting used to, but you trust me, right? Believe me when I say it’s going to be OK.”

“I trust you.”

“You and Mama get a week without me, and then I’ll be back home, and everything will be fine again.”

“Everyone will be happy?” Tanner asked.

“Of course.”

“Like when I was little?”

Merle came to find that Tanner knew damn well that their home wasn’t a happy one most of the time. He was ashamed to think that he could keep things like that from his son more easily because of his condition. Tanner knew damn well that things weren’t right, and it needed to change.

“Tanner, go wait with Uncle Daryl,” June instructed.

“OK. I love you, Dad.”

“I love you too, kiddo. Don’t be sad OK?”

Tanner nodded and walked out to the waiting area.

“Hey, honey,” he said softly, hoping she’d comfort him.

“I know she was here…they told me.”

“Are you serious?”

There was silence then, and he wanted to scream again. She said nothing, June just looked at him with those dead eyes, and he knew he wasn’t in love with her anymore.

“June…I almost died yesterday. I thought at least now that you would hold me and kiss me and say that you love me.”

“Why was she here, Merle?”

“Because she cares for me, she’s my friend.”

She seemed to soften then, perhaps she was realizing it too, that things had gone a little too far to be saved.

“I do love you…but I get so frustrated by everything,” she sighed.

“Tell me something and be honest.”

“I’ll try.”

“Do you want out?”

“Sometimes.”

“This isn’t good for either of us anymore, June.”

Merle didn’t feel the same for her, but it still got him choked up to say it. June was the only woman he’d ever been with. She was the mother of his child.

“I need to think…I haven’t had time to think since I took that pregnancy test. I feel like my life just happened, and I’m a passenger, not the pilot.”

“Why didn’t you ever say anything?”

“Cause then I’m a failure. If I admit that I don’t even know how to interact with Tanner sometimes, then I’m a bad mom. If I say that I felt pressured to put my dreams on hold to be your wife, then I’m a bad wife…so I bottled it up, and it made me the monster you see now anyway.”

“June…”

“Merle…I never wanted to be this way.”

She was weeping, and it stunned him. June was not the type of woman to cry, and he knew that he was finally getting down to the truth.

“But do you still love me?”

“I will always love you…but I need to tell you something that will make you hate me for good.”

For some strange reason, it hit him then, and he hadn’t even really suspected it before that moment.

“About Shane?”

She just nodded and cried.

“I didn’t sleep with him, I swear to God I didn’t…but I was so upset last night, and he drove me home. We kissed; it just happened.”

Merle sighed and wanted to lay into her about all the times she accused him of cheating, but he didn’t have the strength. He was actually grateful not to have the energy because it was pointless.

“Do you want him?” Merle asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t even believe I told you this now…I really am a monster.”

“June, listen. If you want to go, then you’re free to go…but I want custody of Tanner, and you can take him whenever you want for weekends and holidays.”

“You won’t even fight for me?” she asked softly.

“I would if I thought that being with me is what you really want and what you need…and if I thought it would be good for me.”

“Merle…”

“It’s OK…we’re all gonna be OK in the end.”

“I never deserved you,” she said, and he shook his head with a few tears still in his eyes.

“None of that matters now, and we’ll always have Tanner.”

“What will you do now?” she asked.

“Keep raising Tanner and learn to function with one hand. What about you?”

“I don’t know.”

“What about college?”

She sighed like it was impossible.

“We’re still young, June. You could still be a teacher, and if I have Tanner full time, you’ll be able to do it.”

“I can’t afford that.”

“We’ll figure it out.”

“Why are you taking this so well?”

“Because I almost died, and just want to be happy…we could start over now June, but we can’t do it together.”

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**_ Boys Don’t Cry - Chapter 9 _ **

 

Against the nurse’s wishes, Merle got up and walked to the bathroom that evening. June had at least brought him some clothing and his toothbrush, so he could feel like himself a little bit.

In the hospital bathroom, he pulled a leather case from the bag that June brought and found even unzipping it with one hand to be tricky.

“Damn it.”

He was on painkillers and antibiotics, and his head felt a little foggy, but he was also stubborn, and he’d learn to live again if it killed him.

Merle missed his hand already, though his mind was still convinced it was there. Everything he normally did right-handed was over now…including pleasing himself.

Sex was hardly his immediate priority, but he still reached inside his boxers to see if it could work. Nothing about grasping his cock with his left hand felt normal or pleasurable. It felt like a stranger’s hand, but a stranger who had no idea what a cock was or what to do with it.

_Who the hell is gonna jerk me off now if I can’t do it?_

A sad thought crossed his mind then.

_Why couldn’t June have stayed with him for just a little longer? At least until he could function alone._

Merle managed to brush his teeth and piss, only making a slight mess that he also had to clean up one-handed, then wandered back to bed to process the whole experience.

The room was dark, but he was happy to still have the place to himself. He had the impression that he was being treated like a hero by the hospital staff, but none of that meant much to him with his personal life falling apart at the same time.

A nurse came by and tried to push him into a bed bath before bed, but he insisted on doing it alone.

“Just leave the basin and the cloth, I got it.”

“But, Mr. Dixon…you’re still in pretty rough shape.”

“I got it…please?”

“OK, but call if you need help. I’m not supposed to let you do this alone.”

“Then I’ll go home and do it there instead,” he answered as a mild threat.

“Alright, I’ll leave you alone,” she sighed.

“Thanks…I just don’t like other people doing things for me.”

“OK.”

Merle sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the tie of the hospital gown at the back of his neck. He tossed the gown on a chair and sat for just a moment in a pair of Christmas boxers June had bought for him the year before. He didn’t know who he was anymore, but he’d have to figure it out. He grabbed the cloth from the basin of hot water and squeezed water from it to wash his face.

He clumsily washed himself and then pulled on a t-shirt, accidentally banging what remained of his right arm on the tray table and crying out in pain.

“Merle!”

When he looked up, it wasn’t a nurse, it was Andrea, and he felt a little better.

“Hey,” he winced, climbing back into bed in only a pair of underwear and his t-shirt.

“Should I call a nurse? I bet that hurt like hell,” she sympathized.

“Nah, I’m OK now…and yeah, it did,” he half chuckled. “You came back.”

“I come bearing gifts quickly while June isn’t here,” she smiled. “I really don’t want to make any waves for you, but I wanted to bring you a few things.”

She was kind enough to take all the items out of the gift bag and offer them to him one at a time. Maybe she knew how much harder even little things were for him now.

Merle sat on the hospital bed as she handed him a hunting magazine, a bag of his favorite licorice that he was always eating around the firehouse, a card that all of his work buddies signed for him, and an ice-cold beer.

“This is against the rules,” she whispered, “but here’s how we get around that.”

He watched as she opened the tall can of frosty beer and poured it into his hospital water jug with a smirk.

“You’re a doll, Andrea. Thank you.”

Merle took a long sip of the beer and a grin spread across his lips that reminded him of happiness and that it was still possible. It crossed his mind then that he’d have to tell her about June, but he couldn’t think of a great way to bring it up.

“Me and June are over,” he said abruptly. Merle wasn’t one for flowery language when a fact was a fact.

“What?” Andrea exclaimed. “You mean to tell me that she left you when you only just survived a horrible accident? What the holy hell is she thinking?”

“It wasn’t like that actually; it was mutual…strangely it was the calmest conversation we’ve had for months.”

“So…what now?”

“She’s going to stay with her sister in the city for a bit. It turns out she was having some personal shit going on and needs a little space. She might be going back to school.”

“What about Tanner?”

“She says he can stay with me, but she’ll take him on weekends and holidays, whenever she wants him really. I’d never keep him from his own mother.”

“I’m stunned…I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

“It’s for the best…we aren’t in love anymore. As it turns out, she kissed Shane last night.”

“What?”

“I’d rather not get into that,” he shrugged.

“Of course…Jesus,” she sighed.

“I’m gonna be OK as long as I have Tanner and Daryl and Carol and you.”

“You’ll be fine,” she smiled. “Nothing is going to keep you down; I know that.”

“So what if I can barely brush my own teeth, but I’ll figure it all out. And have you ever tried putting on a fucking sock with one hand? It’s really hard!”

“Can I help you when you get back home? If June won’t be here?”

“Huh?”

“I know you’ll have Daryl and Carol around, but I want to help with Tanner and just be around for shopping and cooking until you get used to things.”

“You’d do that?”

“Of course, I would. You mean so much to me, Merle. You’re my best friend.”

“Do you mean that you could stay at my place for a bit?” he begged for clarity.

“You have that perfectly good little guest room in the basement, and I could take Tanner to school on the way to work and pick up shopping for you on the way home.”

“Jesus, Andrea…I really need that kinda help, but I didn’t wanna ask anyone.”

“I know you,” she nodded,” you aren’t the ‘asking for help’ type, but I really want to be there for you if you’ll let me.”

“Andrea…”

“You don’t have to say a word; this is what I’m here for.”

“June is leaving the day I get out of the hospital, so I’ll have Tanner to myself then. The doctor said probably Sunday.”

“I’ll come on Sunday then, in the evening?”

“Thank you, Andrea.”

“It’s my pleasure,” she smiled. “I may just sneak over with a few more beer and treats before Sunday though too.”

“Please do…I’ll look forward to it.”

Andrea left, after a long slow hug that made him feel more alive than he had in years. He should have felt so broken that he’d never mend in that moment, but for the first time in years, he felt love and hope of future happiness.

Merle rolled over in bed and looked down at the bandage covering his remaining forearm, this was the only thing that concerned him now. **_Could Andrea still want him this way when she could have anyone in the world?_**

 

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**_ Boys Don’t Cry - Chapter 10 _ **

 

“Are you sure you’ll be OK?” June asked.

“I’ll be fine. I got my brother, and Andrea is gonna be around.”

June sighed but, knew she didn’t have a leg to stand on, so she stayed quiet about the mention of _her_ name.

“Don’t let her be his mother in my place,” she said softly. “I know I wasn’t as good to him as you, but I do love him the best I can.”

“You’re his mother, June; I’ll never try to take that from you.”

“And there’s really nothing between you too?” she asked.

“Not as far as I know…sometimes I wondered, but I think maybe she sees me just as a friend in the end. I never could tell with women, and you’re the only woman I ever had.”

“It’s going to hurt to be away from home, but I just feel like I need a little time to breathe and make a plan for myself.”

“I told you when I married you that I’d love you till I die, and that ain’t gonna change. You’ll always be my first love and the mother of my child, June.”

“I’ll always love you too…and if Andrea does love you, don’t ever let her treat you the way I did.”

“June…it’s all in the past now. OK? Nothing felt right about her leaving that first day, but he knew it was for the best and he’d be seeing her again when she got her head straight.

June kissed Tanner goodbye, promised she’d be back to see him soon, and Merle watched her drive out of his romantic life for

good.

“Mom will come back, Dad. Don’t be sad.”

“I’ll try, Son. I’ll try.”

They explained to him that they still loved each other but that they’d be living apart and Tanner took it surprisingly well. The things that mattered most to him were still true. His mother and father loved him and always would, and he would see his mother again very soon. Merle described it as a vacation and Tanner agreed that mom could use a break to relax.

“We’re still a family even if we don’t live in the same house,” Merle told him.

“Maybe she won’t be angry now,” Tanner reasoned.

/

Andrea arrived that first day after June left with a pan of homemade lasagna and a VHS movie for Tanner to watch.

Merle sat at the kitchen table and watched as another woman buzzed around his kitchen humming along with the radio and handing little pieces of apple to Tanner as he colored a picture. A black sleeve covered his arm with bandages underneath. The doctor said he’d need to keep it covered and protected for a long time and he was fine with that. Merle couldn’t imagine ever showing what remained of his arm to anyone.

After a week in the hospital, he was feeling stronger, and his arm hurt a lot less. At that moment he felt more peace in his home than he had in years. “Hope you men are hungry,” Andrea smiled as she plated up lasagna and garlic toast for them.

“This looks great, Andrea. Thank you.”

“No problem at all. I like cooking. This has some of your tomatoes in it too,” she noted.

“Really?”

“Remember? You were handing them out by the bagful at work about a month ago. I took a bunch home to freeze for sauce,” she laughed.

“I did end up with a shit ton of tomatoes from the garden, didn’t I? At least they went to good use.”

“Dad?”

“What’s up, kiddo?”

“Will mom call me later?”

“That’s what she said; I’m sure she’s still getting settled with Aunt Diane.”

“OK.”

Andrea put on the movie _The Goonies_ for Tanner after supper and took care of the dishes for Merle.

“Do you think they teach a class on how to function with only one arm?” he joked.

“Yep.”

“Do they really?”

“Physical and occupational therapy,” she winked. “They could teach you everything you need to know.”

“Thank God for that,” he sighed. “Even zippers are tripping me up, and a few other things will never be the same.”

“Like what?” she asked.

“Personal things,” he said with his eyebrows raised.

“Oh!” she grinned. “Well, I’m quite sure you’ll learn how to work around it.”

“I hope so.”

/

Merle read to Tanner after the movie and June did call to speak to him which made him very happy.

As he was finishing up _The Rainbow Fish_ , Merle realized that Tanner was staring at his arm.

“It is weird huh?”

“You saved that man.”

“It was my job, Son.”

Tanner yawned then and pulled his covers up to his chin.

“I miss your hand, but you’re a rainbow fish.”

Merle had no idea what he meant so he requested clarifications.

“You gave your arm away.”

“Like the fish gives away his scales?” Merle added.

“Yes. Sasha says you’re a hero.”

“She’s very sweet, but anybody would have done it.”

“You’re a hero, dad.”

“Thank you, Son. I love you.”

“I love you too, Dad.”

/

Merle hated to admit it, but the house was so calm without June. When he spoke to her on the phone that night, she already sounded happier, and he wanted that for her. Maybe in time, she’d be able to take Tanner for weekends and go back to school. Maybe he and June could be friends someday without it hurting.

When he walked back into the kitchen, Andrea was just wiping up the counter and folding up a tea towel.

“Thank you, Andrea.”

“Hey, I told you, it’s my pleasure.”

“Did you wanna sit on the porch for a bit?”

Merle didn’t want her disappearing yet, he wanted to play house with her but couldn’t quite admit it yet.

“Sure! Go have a seat, and I’ll bring you a beer. Did you take your evening meds yet?”

“Not yet.”

“I’ll bring those too,” she smiled.

He loved being taken care of by her. Andrea seemed like her only concern in life was his happiness and he felt blessed. It was nice to be with a woman who didn’t call him names.

She met him on the front porch in the cool fall air and handed him a cold beer and his pills as she wrapped a sweater around her shoulders.

“Getting cooler now,” she noted. “Before you know it, we’ll be seeing snow.”

“It’s all good. I’ll only need one mitten this year though!” he joked.

“Merle! You’re terrible!” she giggled.

It was completely new to be spending an evening after putting Tanner to bed calmly laughing and joking. Merle knew this is what love was supposed to be like, but still couldn’t be 100% sure that she wanted it with him. He wanted to make a move while he had a chance but didn’t want to look like a jackass for trying on the very day his wife left home.

“This is nice,” she said, looking up at the darkening sky and taking a slow deep breath.

“I don’t know how I’d manage without you here,” he confessed. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to do things I need to for Tanner…and I don’t think I can be a firefighter anymore.”

“If you want to come back to work, we’ll find a way, but don’t rush yourself. You have worker’s comp for a reason.”

“True…but I still don’t want you to go back home now that I have the company.”

“Keep talkin’ so sweet, and I just might stay,” she grinned.

“Don’t give me the solution to keeping you here, cause I’ll use it,” he smiled.

The sweet flirtation felt amazing and the way her eyes lit up that night made him melt inside like a teenager.

They stayed on the porch together for over an hour before saying goodnight, and she offered him a long hug before trying to go down to the basement.

“I ain’t having a woman sleep in my basement. Sleep in my bed, I insist.”

“Merle, I couldn’t-”

“June changed the sheets before she left, it’s all clean…please. Lemme be a gentleman for you.”

“If you insisted, but I’ll happily sleep downstairs.”

“Nope, go on, honey.”

“Thank you…see you in the morning.”

“Goodnight.”

/

Andrea closed the door to Merle’s bedroom, the room where he had been with her, and felt strange about it until she pulled one of his shirts from the closet.

Holding it to her face, she took in the lingering scent of his cologne and ached inside to touch him, but surely it was too soon.

For four years, Andrea held her feelings for Merle close to her chest and simply enjoyed the blessing of his friendship. She had tried to have other relationships and never once made a move on him, but now it felt possible, and she didn’t know what to do next.

Part of her knew it was wrong to pursue a relationship with him so soon and the other part of her wanted to crawl into his bed that very night.

She undressed slowly and slipped beneath the covers of his bed and tried not to wish he was next to her. Andrea was in deep and burning with need to finally have a chance at love with her very best friend.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**_ Boys Don't Cry – Chapter 11 _ **

 

“Merle?”

A soft whisper roused him, and he felt disorientated in the strange little bed in the basement.

“Mmmm,” he groaned.

“Sorry to wake you, but it’s the hospital calling.”

Merle found Andrea standing over him and smiled as he got up to answer the phone in the kitchen.

“Hello?”

“Mr. Dixon. This is Dr. Hadish; I performed your surgery.”

“Right. Thank you.”

“Just calling to let you know that you have more painkillers at the pharmacy waiting for you and you’ll need to come in today for a checkup with your general practitioner just to be sure you’re healing OK.”

“Thanks, I’ll take care of it.”

“I suppose I could have just told your wife, but she ran off to get you so quickly,” the doctor explained.

“It’s OK. It was about time that my wife woke me up anyway,” Merle answered, winking to Andrea at the kitchen table.

He hung up with the doctor, and she chuckled at his fib.

“So, it’s already noon, and I took Tanner to school hours ago,” she noted. “You hungry?”

“Noon? Jesus!” he exclaimed.

“It’s all OK,” she assured him. “It’s probably the pills you’re on that are messing with your sleep, and I don’t mind taking him at all.”

“You’re a life-saver,” he smiled.

“I try.”

Andrea drove him to the doctor where he was told to take it easier and that his wound was healing well. The doctor discussed prosthesis, and he liked the sound of looking a little more normal. They swung by the pharmacy to pick up his prescription, and he eyed Shane walking out of the station as they passed.

“Are you pissed at him about June?” she broached.

“A little, but just on principle, not really. My heart wasn’t with her when it happened.”

“I see.”

“Does that make me sound like an asshole?”

“Nope. I’ll be honest; I don’t know how you dealt with being treated that way for so long.”

“Sadly, I got used to it.”

“Prepare for me to kill you with kindness to make up for it then,” she smiled.

“I sure could use it, honey. Thanks.”

“You deserve it, Merle.”

She kept driving and turned her head for just a second to smile at him, and his heart beat faster just from that one look. He knew he’d have to make a move; it was already cemented in his heart that she was it for him.

He didn’t know what to tell Tanner or how he’d react, but he needed love and he needed a partner in life and Andrea was the one.

/

With Andrea’s help, the house was in order, and Tanner’s needs were met. While he was in the shower that evening, she had finished cleaning up the whole upper level of the house and had gone downstairs to the basement.

He had hoped that she’d stay upstairs to spend time with him and wondered if all the looks she’d given him before were misread or if she’d changed her mind.

After about 20 minutes of waiting for her, he wandered downstairs, pretending that he needed to find something in the storage area and found her reading a book. He was already in his sleep pants and a t-shirt while she was still dressed in jeans and a pretty floral top.

She was sat on an old couch in the rumpus room he’d set up for Tanner and he walked around her on the way to the storage room unsure if he should interrupt her. He never felt uncomfortable with Andrea before, but he’d never been free with her before either. Merle realized that he wanted more with her a while back, and now he was free to tell her, but still couldn’t.

“Hey,” she said when he came out of the storage room with a small box he didn’t need.

“Hey, I’ll let you read, sorry. I just needed this box.”

“I was just giving you some privacy…did you want to hang out?” she asked.

“Sure.”

“Seriously, I can sleep down here, I don’t mind,” she pressed.

“Nah, I won’t have it.”

Merle came to sit next to her on the couch and thanked her for cooking and cleaning for him.

“I’m going to that occupational therapy thing, so I can start doing more for myself right away, don’t worry.”

“You’re barely even a week post op, Merle. Most people would still be laying in bed. You’re doing fine.”

He wanted to talk to her like always, but he didn’t feel like he always did around her. Merle wanted to touch her now…he wanted to kiss her lips. Maybe there was a way to bring up romance with her, but he didn’t know it, and so he fumbled through a clumsy conversation.

“Hope being here ain’t keeping you from some hot dates or anything,” he smiled.

“This is right where I wanna be,” she insisted.

“Just sayin’ cause I know my dating life probably ended with June, but that’s no reason for you to not be out having fun.”

“Did you take a vow of celibacy or something?” she chuckled.

“I may as well have,” he shrugged, holding out what remained of his arm as an example.

“I’m pretty sure people with amputations have sex, Merle.”

“I don’t feel the same, and I don’t know if I can do anything right with the other hand…if you know what I mean.”

“Find a woman who’s willing to do a lot of practicing,” she winked.

“Where do I look?” he asked.

“A very willing woman may be a lot closer than you think,” she said softly, and her eyes were saying so much.

“Really?” he smiled.

He was feeling so excited until she got up out of the blue and began to pace the floor.

 “Andrea?”

“Things only just ended with June, and you have Tanner to think of…I just-”

“What’s wrong, Andrea? Just tell me.”

She sat down then and turned toward him, her leg pulled up to rest on the couch, so she could face him completely.

“You need to know that I would never try to come between you, and every time I told you that I hoped you and June would work it out, I meant it. I know that’s what you wanted, and it was the best thing for Tanner but…”

She was making him crazy with the half answers and hesitation, he couldn’t take it anymore when he felt like maybe she was on the edge of really saying something.

“You’re killin’ me here, Andrea, but what?” he pressed.

“I want to be with you, Merle…I’ve always wanted that.”

“You have?” he smiled.

“I never would have said anything while you were still with June, and I still feel terrible saying it now…I mean, you could still work things out-”

“That ain’t happening…cause I want you too.”

She let out a heavy sigh then, and Merle didn’t know what was going to happen next, how he’d explain any of it to Tanner, or anything else…all he knew was that he had to touch her.

/

Merle reached his left hand out to grab hold of her shoulder, and she closed her eyes, taking in the sensation of his touch.

Since the day they met, Andrea knew there was only one Merle Dixon. Nobody else could compare in her mind, and so she pined for him. Through years of seeing him with June, short-lived relationships of her own that she knew weren’t going to last, and countless lonely nights, it was always Merle.

No matter how close they became, or how many stolen glances passed between them, she knew she could never make a move and never did…until that very moment.

Now, with his hand on her shoulder and nothing between them but tension, she knew something was going to happen that would change everything.

 

 


	12. Chapter 12

**_ Boys Don’t Cry - Chapter 12 _ **

 

Merle could feel her breath coming in and out ragged as her eyes focused on his.

“This isn’t a deal breaker for you?” he asked, looking down at his arm and before he even looked back at her, she was touching his face.

“You really don’t know how I feel, do you?”

“You’re my best friend; I know you care about me.”

“Merle, I love you like crazy…can’t you see it?”

When he focused on her again, it was there. That look of absolute need and affection, like he was the only man she ever wanted, and he almost broke down. Finally, there was _that_ look again.

Andrea moved in close and kissed his lips soft and slow, giving him time and space to back away, but he wasn’t doing that in a hundred years.

He kissed her back, hard and fast, overtaking her with his enthusiasm.

It felt like he’d been held underwater and almost drowned; kissing her was the equivalent of coming up for air.

He was breathless, and she smiled against his lips as she lay back under him on the old couch. Supporting his own weight was tricky with his amputation, and it was still too sore to put pressure on it. He held all of his weight on his left forearm and just tried to keep with mangled arm away from her. It was hard to imagine anyone feeling comfortable being near it, he still wasn’t used to it himself.

Afraid to stop, he continued and slid his tongue into her eager mouth, tasting lemonade on her tongue and needing her more with each second.

When he did finally break for air, she was grinning up at him, and he knew he’d never love anyone like her.

“I’m overexcited…sorry,” he panted as he moved into her neck with his kisses and she held his head against her skin.

“Don’t be sorry…and don’t stop touching me,” she whined as he slid between her opening thighs.

Merle was beyond trying to maintain control and thrust against her desperately.

“Damn…you are ready, aren’t you?” she whispered.

“I need you, Andrea…feels like I’ve been ready for years.”

“Me too,” she agreed. “I wanted you for so long.”

/

Andrea never knew if the moment would come, and she never tried to make it happen, with June in the picture she never could.

Now that he was free though, she was going to love him with every heartbeat.

“I always wanted to know what you’d feel like inside me…but I could never tell anyone…”

“Jesus, really?”

“Uh huh…so show me.”

“You’re killin’ me, Andrea…I wanna go all night.”

“Maybe a bed then?” she grinned.

“Yeah.”

He followed her to the little guest room, so they wouldn’t wake Tanner by going upstairs, and she told him to lay down. Andrea wanted to please him thoroughly. She wanted to show him what he deserved, to love him as he’d never known.

When he was spread out before her, she crept slowly over him, stopping at his neck to lay hot kisses on his skin right below his ear.

“Just lay back, baby, and lemme make you feel good,” she purred.

“Jesus H. Christ,” he groaned.

Andrea lifted the bottom of his t-shirt enough to tease her tongue all along the waistband of his pants, and his breathing changed.

There was nowhere she didn’t plan to explore. Showing Merle how much she cared about his pleasure was only second to the goal of showing him that her love was true.

/

Merle was told to lay back and enjoy it, and so he did, it was heaven, and he took it in like a gift.

She moved her hands up and down his thighs through his sleep pants and then ghosted her mouth over the front to tease him.

“Damn…” he moaned, feeling the pressure of her cheek against his dick like a slow wave of pleasure.

“Just wait, baby…I’ll get you there.”

Before he could process it, she was lifting his shirt up, and he assisted her in taking it off, careful to bring the sleeve gently over his injured arm.

Her soft wet tongue moved over his right and then left nipple as she spread her legs around his hips and ground herself down on him.

“Mmmm yeah…oh God, Andrea!”

“It’s only just started too, baby…want more?”

“Please…you’re so good to me, honey, but I gotta do something back-”

“Not yet, this is all for you.”

She moved down his body slowly and then took him by the hips before moving her beautiful face back and forth over the bulge in his sleep pants again; he almost died. Hot breath through material, firm hands gripping his hips, and soft moaning like she was hungry for it all conspired to turn him inside out.

Finally, she pulled at his pants, and he lifted his ass to help her, praying that she’d really like his dick since he only had one hand to please her.

She looked down at his naked body then, and her eyes radiated love toward him.

“I knew you’d be perfect everywhere…I knew I’d need you forever the moment I saw you like this.”

No woman ever spoke this way to him, and it hit him right in the heart.

“I’ve only ever been with June,” he warned her.

“It’s OK, Merle…this time I just want you to lay there and let me please you…will you let me do that?”

“You kidding?” he grinned.

Soon she was kissing up his thigh and teasing her tongue along the side of his balls. Her hands claimed different parts of his body, and he just took in the moment as instructed. No pressure to perform, just heaven at every turn.

When she sank her sweet mouth down around his cock, he could swear he saw stars. June hadn’t blown him in over a year, and she was less than enthusiastic most of the time when it did happen. Andrea sucked his cock like it sustained life and his eyes quickly rolled back in his head as she used her mouth in magical ways.

/

It wasn’t long before she needed to ride him, and she got up off the bed slowly to undress before his eager eyes.

Slowly her shirt was unbuttoned and removed, and she just kept her eyes on his as she also took off her bra.

“Good God,” he whispered at the sight of her breasts, and she smiled softly before sliding down her jeans and panties.

“Come here, honey,” he called, and she crawled onto the bed and then on top of him.

She kissed him like they’d been waiting lifetimes for one another and the moment was all flames and desire.

Andrea felt him hard between her thighs and hissed as she rolled her aching pussy against his cock.

“Oh hell…oh please, honey…lemme have it.”

“It’s yours,” she whined as she began to take him in.

Thick and rock hard as she imagined, he filled her from the inside out. Her body, heart, and soul all complete in one moment.

She rode him slow and held his cheek in her hand and insisted they keep looking at each other. All those looks, filled with longing over four years and now he was hers.

/

So tight, wet and full of love, her body claimed his cock with hot possession.

“Feel good, honey?” he asked as her head sank down to the pillow beside his own.

She was whining and moaning like his body soothed a bad burn, like his dick, was a pain reliever.

He was so deep inside her as her golden blonde hair spilled over his chest. She rode him so smooth with her forehead down and her womanhood owning his dick. He decided then that before it was over, he wanted to taste her.

“Andrea?”

“Yeah?”

“Lay down for just a second.”

“You OK?”

“Hell yeah, I just wanna do something for you too.”

“You don’t have to.”

“That ain’t the way I roll. I want to make you cum, honey. I need to.”

/

Merle rolled over her a little clumsily without the lower part of his right arm to assist him. She prayed that soon he’d feel less self-conscious because she only saw a hero when she looked at him.

He held her left leg open with his injured arm and kissed up her inner thigh all the way to her wet lips where he went for it like a man dying of thirst.

His mouth was so soft and his lips so full as he kissed her right where she ached the most. Sliding his tongue from side to side and back to front, he possessed her.

Using the fingers of his non-dominant hand, he stroked the sweet spot inside her, and she called out to the Lord above for mercy.

“Oh God, please…Merle, yes!”

“Cum for me, honey, and I’ll fuck you good…lemme fuck you good,” he babbled, and she felt it rising up at his command.

“Oh yeah…Merle…”

Her head strained back on the pillow, and a silent scream left her perfect mouth. Merle caught sight of the scene as he raised his eyes from her sweet womanhood and knew that he was still a man, still good enough to be her man.

/

She pulled him down over her as the twitch inside her continued to reverberate, and he grasped the headboard as he plowed her.

“You do it so right, baby…please don’t ever stop,” she begged.

“I’m yours as long as you want me, honey.”

“Always,” she whined. “Now cum for me, Merle…fill me with it.”

He came hard, filling her with hot cum and handing over his heart and soul in a chorus of expletives.

/

He lay with his head on her bare chest in the dark and spotted the shelf where Tanner’s gecko had witnessed the whole thing. It brought him back.

“So…”

“What?” she yawned. “You OK?”

“What do I do about Tanner?”

“Is it a matter of time?” she asked.

“Maybe…I don’t even know if he realizes that me and June aren’t getting back together.”

“Can I make a suggestion?”

“Of course.”

“Why don’t we keep it quiet for a little bit until you can think of how to tell people. I love you, and I understand that this can’t be public overnight.”

“You’d do that?”

“Of course.”

“I don’t want it to be too long…maybe just a couple of weeks.”

“It’s OK. We are still staying in the same house while you get used to things so it’s not like I can’t have you alone till we tell people,” she purred.

“I still can’t believe this happened,” he grinned as he took her hand and kissed it.

“No regrets?”

“Only that it took so long for this to happen…I felt unloved for a really long time,” he confessed, holding her so tight that it probably came across as needy, but he didn’t care anymore.

“That’s over now, Merle…I’ll never treat you that way. Never.”

 

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

  ** _Boys Don’t Cry - Chapter 13_**

 

“Wait. You and Andrea?” Daryl grinned.

“Yeah, I know, it’s too fast after June. I must be outta my mind, but I’m crazy about her you know?”

“I know,” Daryl nodded. “Me and Carol have known for a while now.

“You coulda told me,” he laughed.

“What are you gonna do about Tanner?”

“That’s a great question. Haven’t decided yet.”

“Give it a week or two and just break it to him gentle…I don’t think he’ll even take it too hard.”

“No?”  
“Tanner loves Andrea, the boy will always love his mother, but Andrea is so good with him.”

“True.”

“So, did Andrea show you my picture yet?” Daryl smirked. “I’m Mr. April!”

“Nah, didn’t see it and I’m probably lucky I didn’t. You and your fire hose ain’t really my thing.”

“Andrea is really bummed that you won’t do the calendar thing…you could do it now that June is gone.”

“She’s sweet, but she’s the only one who’d wanna look at me like this.”

“You aren’t giving women a lot of credit, and you are the hero of the city now.”

“I was doing my job.”

“I heard they wanna have a big event to celebrate what you did.”

“I don’t need nothing like that, I just wanna learn how to function like this,” he said, holding up his arm to emphasize the point.

“That man’s family want to thank you.”

“There ain’t no need and I’m not comfortable around people yet…I don’t feel like myself anymore.”

“Give yourself time,” Daryl said, laying his hand on Merle’s back for a moment. “If it means anything, I’m really proud of you.”

“Thanks, man.”

                  ############

“He won’t do it; I tried,” Daryl insisted

“I don’t want to push him, but I would love for him to see that he’s still as attractive as ever,” Andrea sighed.

She and Merle had been together for two weeks, and she was just finishing up the calendar to sent to the printers.

“He’s feeling shitty about how he looks, and he doesn’t even want to go to the dinner in his honor now,” Daryl sighed.

“I wish he could see what I do…he feels comfortable with me, but I can hardly get him to leave the house.”

“I guess he’ll probably snap out of it in his own time.”

“I took a great picture of him the other day while he wasn’t looking, and I’m so tempted to use it as the cover.”

“He might flip out if you did,” Daryl winced. “What’s the picture like?”

“Just a sec.”

Andrea had caught him in the bathroom two days earlier just standing in his boxers and shaving his face. His injured arm was only slightly showing on the opposite side of his body, and he looked incredible. She managed to take the shot with her best black and white film and developed the shot at the high school darkroom only that morning.

“Jesus!” Daryl gasped, holding the photo out to really look at it. “This is really good.”

“I love that it’s candid. Merle would never feel comfortable posing, and he looks so hot,” she grinned.

“He’s in great shape…damn,” Daryl noted and then shook his head to chase away the thought that his own brother was a pretty good-looking dude.

“I won’t do it behind his back, but maybe I could talk to him tonight and butter him up with a nice dinner.”

“Me and Carol could take Tanner for a few hours if you want.”

“If you don’t mind…this could take some sweet talking. We are taking Tanner to the autumn fair tomorrow, so we’ll pick him up at 8 to get him to bed on time.”

“Deal.”

/

Merle spoke to June on the phone, and it sounded like she finally liked him for once. He was happy that she was feeling better, but she was no longer his top priority. In only two weeks, he and Andrea had a smooth routine going on with Tanner, and his life was calm and stable for once.

Andrea arrived home from dropping off Tanner with Daryl and Carol, and he loved being able to just spend time with her doing ordinary things.

He watched from the kitchen table as she fussed over a meal for him, refusing to let him help and occasionally stopping to kiss him.

“You’re spoilin’ me, honey. I won’t even know how to do for myself soon.”

“You start occupational therapy soon; you can start doing more for yourself then. For now, I want to baby you,” she winked.

Eventually, they were sat across the table from each other and finished the chicken and potatoes she made for supper.

“That was delicious, honey. Thanks a lot,” he praised.

“You’re more than welcome…Merle? Can I ask you something without you thinking I’m pressuring you?”

“Of course. What’s up?”

“I took a picture of you the other day…and it came out really well.”

“A picture of me?”

He tried to think when she would have taken a picture without him noticing.

“Was I asleep?” he laughed.

“You were shaving your face in the bathroom.”

“And it came out good?”

He couldn’t imagine a good picture of himself anymore, not that he was ever very comfortable with pictures.

“You look so sexy…I think it’s the best picture I’ve ever taken. The way the light caught you standing there...it was breathtaking.”

“Can I see it?”

“Of course.”

Andrea walked into the living room and pulled the eight by ten from her portfolio to hand to him. He looked at it critically, but all his eyes could focus on was his injured arm.

“My bad arm ain’t covered…it looks ugly,” he winced.

“I don’t even focus on your arm when I look at this photo,” she said.

“What do you see?”

“I see your broad chest and all the perfectly toned muscles of your arms…the way your eyes are focused on your own image in the mirror. Not to mention your gorgeous ass in those black boxers I like,” she smiled. “I just see my man, and it makes me happy. I wish you’d let me use this image in the calendar, but I’d never push you.”

She just wasn’t seeing it, and he didn’t know how to get his fears across to her effectively.

“Guys like Shane and Daryl are gonna be in this thing. That’s the kind of man who belongs in some sexy calendar, not a guy like me. A picture of me the way I am now will ruin it, and we’ll make no money for the charity…who in their right mind wants to see a man like me?” he asked.

“Me, Merle…I do,” she answered, taking his cheek in her hand as he closed his eyes to take in the comfort from a woman who really loved him.

“You’re the one person who makes me feel like my old self, even if it’s just for a few minutes here and there,” he sighed, with his eyes still closed.

/

Andrea pulled him down the hall to his bedroom and kissed him slow and sweet as he enveloped her in his arms.

“I gotta have your body, baby,” she whined and started on his belt with both hands, eager to unveil his perfect cock.

Merle rolled her under him on the bed and kissed from her neck to her belly, lifting her shirt to taste her skin hungrily.

Soon he was yanking her shirt off and drifting his open left hand over her nipples, one after the other, lightly pinching and all the while thrusting between her thighs.

She loved the way he threw it down better than most men with both hands; he didn’t skimp on anything intended to please her. He was all grunting, growling masculine heat and no effort was spared in the pursuit of her pleasure.

When they had each other stripped, he knew that everything he did with her was different. Andrea loved him in a grown-up way, and yet it still had all the fire of teenage passion that he had been missing. He couldn’t ask for more.

“Tease me, baby…make me beg for it,” she winked then, and he couldn’t help but chuckle at the way she liked to be tortured in bed.

He held her arms over her head with his one hand and teased her with his dick, slowly up and down her wet slit.

“God damn it, Merle…Mmmm!”

“You want it?” he growled.

“I need it, baby, please.”

“Nope,” he answered, lightly tapping the head of his rock-hard cock against her clit.

She hissed and pulled her feet up onto his ass, letting her legs fall wide open.

“Come on, daddy...I’ll do that thing you liked the other day.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah.”

Merle slid into her then, and she gasped out her approval at the way he filled her.

Merle fucked her nice and smooth for just long enough to get her warmed up and then licked the fingers if his left hand to try something.

“This is probably gonna suck with my left hand but go with me on this,” he chuckled, laying a thick finger on either side of her clit as he nailed her.

“Oh damn…Jesus Christ, Merle! Just like that!”

“Yeah?” he questioned.

“You…tell…me…” she rebutted, and then he felt her vagina twitch around his cock and then squeeze little tighter in deep spasms of pleasure.

She opened her mouth wide and just panted and repeated, “Uh…Mmmm…Oh…Uh…” over and over until it ended. It was animalistic, and he loved it.

As promised, she rode him in ‘reverse cowgirl’ after that as he gripped her perfect ass with his left hand, still wishing he had both hands to grab it with.

“Ride it good, woman!” he praised. “Oh, hell yeah…damn it, woman, you’re good! You ride that cock so dirty!”

It wasn’t long till Andrea felt his hand grip her waist and the sound of his climax filled the room.

“Jesus H. Christ!” he bellowed as he came apart.

/

“You love me like I didn’t think possible,” he yawned.

He’d have to get up to get Tanner, but for a moment, he had time with her alone in bed.

“Loving you is really easy, baby,” she smiled.

“If you really don’t think it’ll bother anyone…you could use that picture if you want to.”

“Are you sure? You don’t have to let me do that?”

“You took the picture really well, even if it does show my fucked up arm. You’re a great photographer, Andrea.”

“The image is good because of you, Merle.”

“If you say so.”

“I do say so; now you relax while I go get Tanner.”  
“I’ll come too.”

“I got it…you just rest,” she smiled.

 

 


	14. Chapter 14

**_ Boys Don't Cry – Chapter 14  _ **

**_ \- Epilogue   _ **

 

Only a few days later, Merle and Andrea took Tanner to a dinner held in Merle’s honor by the family of the janitor. Merle explained that the praised wasn’t necessary but still had a great time socializing with a few people he knew in town.

Shane pulled him aside to apologize, and Merle decided to put it all behind him. Nothing was going to ruin his great mood anymore and being angry at Shane was pointless. As long as he kept his filthy hands off Andrea, they were all good.

Tanner got tired around 9 pm, and so they drove him back home for the night.

“You have a good time, kiddo?” Merle asked.

“You’re famous, Dad.”

“Just doing my job, but thank you, Son.”

“Andrea?” Tanner asked.

“What’s up, Peanut?”

“Can you stay with us?”

“At the house?” she asked.

“Yes, cause my dad is happy now and me too.”

“Awww! That’s very sweet of you, Tanner…I’d love to stay.”

“Do you love us too?” Tanner asked outright.

“I love you both very much,” she answered, glancing over at Merle.

“My mom is going to visit soon…she will be mad,” Tanner sighed.

“She won’t be angry anymore, Son. That’s all over now,” Merle assured him.

“Are you girlfriend and boyfriend now?” Tanner asked like he already knew the answer.

“Yes, Son…I’m sorry we didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Willow’s mom and dad don’t tell her some stuff too.”

“Sometimes it’s grown-up stuff, and we need to think of the best way to tell you,” Andrea explained.

“Grown-up stuff,” Tanner repeated and rolled his eyes. “Grown-up stuff is crazy!”

Merle laughed along and couldn’t argue with that logic.

/

In the end, Merle came to accept the change in his body, regained his job as a firefighter in a training capacity, and continued to enjoy all the things he had before.

With Andrea by his side, he found himself again, after the abuse he suffered from June. Andrea always treated him with kindness and patience; she never allowed him to forget his worth and how much he was loved.

 

_**~ The End** _


End file.
